Parent Empowering Youth Ministry

There was a time when many youth workers thought they had to be an advocate for students amidst the tyranny of their parents and other non-understanding adults.  It is true that parents do occasionally fail their children in terrible ways ranging from unchristian advice and example to heinous and illegal abuse.  Still, if we youth workers our humble and honest we have to admit that most of our disagreements with parents are a matter of personal opinion and preference.  If we want to effectively empower parents we have to push aside our opinions and, whenever possible, honor parents and their wishes.  We will not have a youth group that honors and obeys their parents if we as youth workers are not setting the tone by making a point to also honor them. 

Honor Parents and Their Wishes

One small thing that I regularly do to honor parents is “kick out” students at the end of the night when their parent comes to take them home.  We’ve all seen it a million times, haven’t we?  A mother or father tells their child that it is time to go home and he or she is talking to friends, shooting hoops or in the middle of some crazy youth group game.  They are having fun and they don’t want to leave.  So what do they say?  “Just a minute.”  I know this bothers parents and it should also bother youth workers.  So here is what I do, I fly into the seen in cool youth worker fashion grabbing the ball, obnoxiously interrupting the conversation and screaming “honor your parents!  They said that its time to go home!”  I know this is a small thing, but it sets precedence.  It tells parents that I am on their side and it gets me in the practice of being the parents advocate when bigger issues arise. 

As I was working on this piece I sought ideas and prospective from parents about this topic using social media.  It was through this “research” that I heard a truly appalling story about a youth worker failing to honor parents.  A parent sent me a personal message sharing that they and their spouse were strongly opposed to “missionary dating” and were unhappy when their teenage child began dating a non-Christian.  My three children may still be young, but I understand and agree with these parents’ stance.  Beyond my personal feelings about their position, it is a biblically sound principle.  This worker, however, did not feel the same way about the situation.  They believed that the parents were anti-evangelism and in the name of evangelism encouraged the child to continue dating the student.  While it is true that the unbeliever was attending youth group while they were dating the youth group student, it still does not justify blatantly undermining the parents.  I am convinced that there was a way to align with the parents’ stance and still continue to encourage the evangelism of an un-churched student.

Empower Parents, Don’t Save Them

The opposite and equally destructive response to undermining parents is trying to “bail them out” whenever they encounter a tough situation involving their child.  Anyone who has been in youth ministry for a while has undoubtedly gotten that phone call from a distressed parent who’s just realized that their “little saint” isn’t so saintly after all.  If you are like me, you will be inclined to try to swoop in and fix things.  Not only is this painfully ineffective, it sends a dangerous message about the roles parents and youth workers play in the faith formation of young people.  Do we really want to send the message to parents and the church at large that a parent’s role is to identify the problem and that the youth worker’s role is to fix it?  Instead, we need to send the message that parents are best equipped to play a primary role in their child’s faith formation and in working through struggles their children are having.  After all, God did choose them to be the parents of this teenager so instead trying to save them, let’s try to equip and empower them instead (For more on this idea see this related blog post:http://shemainitiative.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-shema-initiative-engaging-parents.html)

Equip Parents with Resources

One of the ways that we can empower parents is to connect them with resources that will help them better understand their teenage child.  Youth workers are masters of spotting helpful resources, Christian or otherwise, that create a better understanding of young people.  It really is as simple as passing these newly found resources on to parents.  Great examples include Fuller Youth Institute’s Sticky Faith web site and other resources (http://stickyfaith.org) and Walt Mueller’s Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (http://www.cpyu.org). 

Being the number one supporter of parents will not only win their support, it is a biblical and effective way to usher teenagers into a lifelong relationship with Christ.  History has shown just how ineffective “lone gun” youth ministry is.  If we care about the faith formation of the young people entrusted to us then we truly must be serious about creating a parent empowering youth ministry.  Do we want to empower our students to be lifelong disciples of Jesus?  If so, we better get serious about empowering parents.  

Why I Don't Want a Smart Phone

Last night I watched my wonderful wife, a women who just six months ago "never checked her facebook page," spend a substantial amount of time surfing facebook pages while complaining about how crappy the touch screen was.  It was at this time that I realized something; I never want a smart phone.  My reason for not wanting one are twofold:

1) I already waste too much time fiddling with social network sites.  I have no doubt that I would that guy spending hours a day on facebook and twitter (heck I might actually take the time to figure out pinterist...)

2) Finding the balance between being in full time ministry and being the husband and father God has called me to be is already a constant struggle.  Saying no to ministry is already hard, the last thing I need is limitless access to my work e-mail.  My inability to let a call go to voicemail is already a source of frustration for my wife.  I know she wouldn't want me to run to my phone very time I received an e-mail notification.

Please don't think that I am putting down my wife.  I am not necessarily even making fun of network marketing or smart phones.  My wife has a smart phone because both she and I are considering masters degrees and previously we had no internet at home (shocking I know).  We figured using a smart phone as a hot spot might make us less enslaved to technology and media (I don't want a cable package...sorry!).  It boils down to this, I don't want to embody the things about our culture that I find sad or annoying.

Economic Fairness is a Global Endeavor

So everyone is in an uproar about jobs being outsourced and the purchase of things overseas that are taking away jobs here in the US. I don't necessarily have a problem with people's objections to this; however, we have been purchasing items from overseas for decades without any complaints. 

The real issue I have with all of this is the fact that we don't seem have a problem with a fourteen year old girl in China working 18 hour days for 6 cents an hour, but are in an uproar because we are losing technology jobs to India. I don't like either scenario, don't get me wrong. I am just wondering how we as Christians here in the western world can be so oblivious and self absorbed.  

Yes, we should be concerned with whether or not we and other Americans are being treated fairly economically speaking, but we should be more concerned by clear violations of human rights over-sees in the name of Global capitalism than we are about mild inconveniences domestically.  What I mean is this; when you get mad that the pair of jeans you are holding, do you take a second to wonder if the person who made them was payed a fair market value? 

Where is God?!: Finding God in the Hard Times

 John 11:28-44

²⁸ Then she returned to Mary. She called Mary aside from the mourners and told her, “The Teacher is here and wants to see you.”²⁹ So Mary immediately went to him.³⁰ Jesus had stayed outside the village, at the place where Martha met him.³¹ When the people who were at the house consoling Mary saw her leave so hastily, they assumed she was going to Lazarus’s grave to weep. So they followed her there.³² When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”³³ When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled.³⁴ “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.”³⁵ Then Jesus wept.³⁶ The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!”³⁷ But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?”³⁸ Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance.³⁹ “Roll the stone aside,” Jesus told them. But Martha, the dead man’s sister, protested, “Lord, he has been dead for four days. The smell will be terrible.”⁴⁰ Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?”⁴¹ So they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, thank you for hearing me.⁴² You always hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.”⁴³ Then Jesus shouted, “Lazarus, come out!”⁴⁴ And the dead man came out, his hands and feet bound in graveclothes, his face wrapped in a headcloth. Jesus told them, “Unwrap him and let him go!”

John 11:28-44 (NLT)

Job

      To a certain extent we see a similar depiction of God in the story of Job.  Many of us are probably familiar with the story of Job.  Job is a righteous and holy man who is blessed by God.  God and the adversary (Satin) are observing Job, and sure enough, they make a wager of sorts.  The adversary bets God that Job would not be such a devote follower of God, if he lost it all.  So God allows Job to lose all he has.  When Job has finally had enough he confronts God, and the answer he gets is basically, “who do you think you are, I’m God and you’re not”.  I know that Job reveals God’s majesty and sovereignty and that many of you here today find comfort in this story, but I have to be honest, I am bothered by the story of Job.

Most of us know someone who is “at odds” with God because of something bad that has happened to them.  “How could God let so and so die, or let my parents get divorced.”  Perhaps some of us are struggling with this ourselves.  We don’t know where God fits when we are going through difficult times.  Often times we get the idea that God is this outsider in our suffering.  He may be the cause, or he may just sit back and watch.  Either way he seems so indifferent to our plight.

Bruce Almighty

In the movie Bruce Almighty, Bruce, played by Jim Carey, compares God with a mean kid who cooks ants with a magnifying glass.  He states that God could fix his problems in a matter of seconds but would rather pull of his feelers and watch him squirm. 

Is this really an accurate depiction of Gods involvement in our times of hardship?  Is God taking bets about how we will handle tragedy and then putting us though the ringer?  Is God really a mean kid with a magnifying glass?

At this point we must take a step back and return to today’s reading.  For you see you can’t look at Job’s depiction of God without looking at God revealed though his son Jesus Christ.  John chapter 1 states that The Word, that is Jesus, was with God in the beginning, and that Jesus was God.  This is why we believe in a Triune God; God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  If Jesus is God, then Jesus’ characteristics revealed on earth are the characteristics of God.  With that in mind, let’s explore today’s passage.

Context of the passage

As we look at the beginning of this chapter we read that Jesus is sent word from Martha and Mary that their brother Lazarus is sick.  Now we learn that Jesus has some history with Lazarus and his two sisters, Mary, of course, anointed his feet, and verse five tells us that Jesus loved all three of the siblings.  In fact, he cares for this man so deeply that he goes back to Judea, whose inhabitants had sought to stone Jesus.  Jesus reveals to his disciples that he already knows Lazarus is dead and that he will raise him from the dead.   Let me say that again, Jesus already plans to raise Lazarus from the dead.

Lazarus indeed dies before Jesus is able to reach him; in fact he has been dead for four days when Jesus arrives.  First Jesus is met by Martha, and then Mary.  Mary and Martha both say the same thing “Lord, if you had been here, my brother, my brother would not have died.”  They say the same thing but they say it very differently.  When Martha says this he tells her that her brother will rise, and goes on to hint of the things to come saying in verse 25 I am the resurrection and the life.  But when Mary says this, and proceeds to weep, as do the others (possibly paid mourners), it deeply moved him and Jesus wept.  In the end Jesus does indeed raise Lazarus from the dead. 

Many will argue (me included), that the Jews were wrong when they equated Jesus tears and sadness with the love of Lazarus.  After all Jesus already planned to raise Lazarus from the dead.  Rather, it should be said that Jesus being moved and caused to weep was a measure of his love for the bereaved sisters.  Even though Jesus knows everything is going to be ok, he still feels great sadness over the pain that Lazarus loved ones are feeling.  This is the ultimate display of love and empathy.  This love is what prompts him to be lead to the tomb, and then to raise Lazarus from the dead.

I believe it is not a stretch to say that just as Jesus wept for Lazarus sisters, so too does God weep for us.  Just as this deep moving that took place within Jesus heart prompted him to act, so too does the deep moving in Gods heart prompt him to act.

I am not promising anyone a miracle, nor am I trying to explain God’s role in suffering.  To the answer, does God care when I suffer, the answer is a resounding yes!

This is what this Lenten season is all about.   For God so loved the world, was so deeply moved for the lost sheep of this world that he sent his one and only son to die and to be raised from the dead in order to make a way for his lost children to be reunited with him.  What role does God play in our suffering?  He suffers with us.  Over and beyond that, He is our savior, maybe not in the exact way that we seek it, but ultimately he is our savior.  Through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ God’s love will ultimately overcome his children’s suffering. 

Seeking Cultural Relevancy is not Heresy! (St Patrick Pt 2)

I am so sick of any attempt to be culturally relevant being branded as heresy. Historically, ignoring the world that "the mission field" lived in has been disastrous.  Even the most conservative of denominations have missionaries who take great pains to understand the cultures they are entering.  Why are we not learning from our history?!  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting somehow to have different results.

The early Roman church believed that cultural changes and conformity were necessary for the spreading of the good news. It was assumed that a culture had to be civilized, at least in part, (ie “Romanized”) as a prerequisite to become Christian. Once Christian, further conformity to the Roman norm was expected. These populations were expected to adopt Roman customs, including reading and speaking Latin as well as doing church “the Roman way.” This was not initially the case with the early Roman church; stories of the first century church report missional outreach to cultures that were neither Roman nor civilized (cannibal populations were even on the list of those receiving the good news). However, by the second century it was assumed that reaching barbarians for Christ was impossible.¹

Protestant missions have historically followed a similar two pronged focus; to both evangelize and civilize the culture. Here too, many believed that a certain level of civility was needed for acceptance of the gospel to be possible. Generally, civilizing was defined by the nation that was sending the missionaries. Spanish missionaries sought to make peoples more Spanish while puritans from Britain tried to make them more English.⁴ International missions today has moved passed the model of required conformity, but domestically we often fall into the trap of believing that societal conformity is prerequisite for receiving the good news of Christ. Perhaps this is why Christians often feel the need to impose Christian values on the unbelieving world.²

We experience this same tension within modern-day ministry. The culture of today, for example, is not always seen as “civilized.” Adults shake their heads when young adults have the audacity to wear hats in church services, or check their cell phones during the sermon. They can’t believe that being talked at for forty minutes is not engaging to youth, even though their own minds are distracted. I can’t think of a single time this past year that an adult has asked me how youth group went last night, or how God was working in the lives of our young people, and yet, I can recall numerous moments when youth were criticized for not picking up after themselves in our church. Do we think that God can’t work in young people’s lives until they start vacuuming up their own pretzel crumbs? Is Christian stewardship a prerequisite for receiving the good news of Christ?

I recently heard a powerful story about a young urban youth who accepted Christ. This newborn Christian was so excited about his conversion that his enthusiasm spread and he took a friend with him to church the following Sunday. Neither of these young men owned church clothes, so they wore what they thought was their nicest clothes. When they arrived at the front doors of the church one of the elders was waiting with his arms crossed. He told the young men to “come back when they had learned how to show God proper respect”.

We all have stories similar to this. The message is similar to that of the Roman church: “You have to be like us if you want to be a Christian.”

Youth workers can engage students differently, encouraging them to stay within their culture while seeking to understand the person of Jesus.

1.   George G. Hunter III, The Celtic Way of Evangelism: How Christianity Can Reach the West…Again (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2000) pp17.

2.   Ibid., pp 16

Book Review: True North

I don't normally do this...but when I came across one of the best pieces of Christian literature that no one has heard of, I felt that I just had to share it.

Picture this...Crazy Love if it were written by Christian Counselors; I think that is the best way to describe True North.  When I first became aware of this book several months ago, I saw it's paradigms as a great tool for those in ministry who -like the vast majority - are not trained mental health practitioners but find themselves often counseling others.  It didn't take me long to realize that this book was so much more than that.

If your like me, you are often convicted when you read the spiritual classics which call the body of Christ to a deeper relationship with their LORD and savior.  If you are like me, you find yourself asking "now what?"  What makes True North such a great gift to believers is that it practically points us in the direction of personal holiness.  I would suggest reading this book along side such works as A Testament of Devotion, A Plain Account of Christian Perfection, The Imitation of God, and The Practice of the Presence of God.  This works light a passion in us for closer communion with God and True North shows us how to move in the right direction.

Here's the bottom line, True North is a must read for every Christ follower serious about true discipleship. 

Ministry Lessons from the Real St. Patrick

It was by far the worst education course I have ever endured.It’s not that I wasn't interested in the history of Christianity and it wasn’t that Dr. Smith wasn’t knowledgeable. There was just something about his teaching style, or lack thereof, that made sitting through one of his lectures practically unbearable. Still, a measure of my gratitude is due to Dr. Smith and his History of Christianity course, because it was through them that I was introduced to the real St. Patrick. As he talked, I began to see similarities between these Celts and the skater kids I was attempting to connect with through my position at Youth for Christ. I noticed parallels between the establishment Patrick was upsetting and the inadequacies of “church norms.” I realized that the real St. Patrick had something for me, that maybe he had something to offer youth workers in the twenty-first century. St Patrick was a cutting edge missionary who brought the good news to an emotionally volatile people who were by and large written off (I don’t know about you, but this is a pretty good description of my middle school group). He would have, to be sure, made a great youth worker.

The Real St. Patrick

St. Patrick was a remarkable individual whose intrigue had nothing to do with leprechauns and rainbows. Though Patrick was ethnically a Celt, culturally he was a Roman whose primary language was Latin. He grew up in a Christian home with a deacon for a father and a priest for a grandfather. As a youth Patrick was what some might call a “lukewarm” Christian; saying of himself, “At the time, I did not recognize the True God.”¹ According to Patrick, it was this rejection of God that lead to his life being turned upside down when a band of Celtic pirates invaded the region, captured Patrick, and sold him into slavery. During his years as a slave, Patrick experienced two major changes.

First, Patrick experienced the revelation of God through nature and became a devout Christian.

[block quote]

. . . after I reached Ireland I used to pasture the flock each day and I used to pray many times a day. More and more did the love of God, and my fear of him and faith increase, and my spirit was moved so that in a day [I said] from one up to a hundred prayers, and in the night a like number; besides I used to stay out in the forests and on the mountain and I would wake up before daylight to pray in the snow, in icy coldness, in rain, and I used to feel neither ill nor any slothfulness, because, as I now see, the Spirit was burning in me at that time.²

[end block quote]

Second, Patrick came to understand and accept the Celtic culture of his captors. This was the kind of understanding only possible by one immersed in the culture. It was this deep understanding of the Celtic world that later allowed him to effectively reach the “unreachable” with the good news of Christ. After six years of captivity God told Patrick in a dream to flee from his captors.

The next twenty-five years or so of Patrick’s life are unknown; but at the age of forty-eight, Patrick had another dream where an angel named Victor spoke to him. During that dream Patrick was called to bring the “good news of Christ” to the Celtic world. Patrick returned to Ireland as a bishop with the mission of  bringing the gospel to the Celtic world.  Patrick’s twenty-eight years of ministry to the Celts, and the movement that followed, forever changed the western world.³

1.      St. Patrick, The Confession of St. Patrick (Grand Rapids: Christian Classics Ethereal Library), http://www.ccel.org/ccel/Patrick/confession.pdf. This first section of his writing is St. Patrick’s own account of his life and the events that lead up to his mission in Ireland, though that is not its primary purpose. Patrick’s Confession is a defense of his life and ministry.

2.      Ibid., paragraph 16.

3. This is an opening to a hopeful article (perhaps to be      published in the Immerse Journal)