Daddy Issues: A tribute to my Daughter (it’s not what you think)

As a veteran youth worker I have long understood the importance of a father who is present for girls. We have all cracked a fair share of daddy issue jokes in high school and college. However, it wasn't until my daughter was born that I really understood the importance of the male presence in a young woman's life, both from a father, and from other men. Enter Sadie, an adorable 10 month old who absolutely adores anyone who happens to have a beard. I seriously think my daughter was genetically programmed to seek out the attention and approval was all patriarchal figures she encounters. You could be a "miserable old cuss", but to my daughter you are wonderful simply for being a grown man.


This is exciting because of all the male role models in my daughter's life, but it is scary at the same time because of the all young woman I know who are not blessed the way Sadie is. This is compounded by the fact that our church safety policies make it almost impossible for me to step into the gap. Our policy states that 2 unrelated adults need to be present when working with a child. This makes relational ministry unrealistic with any gender. Consider the typical gender segregation model that takes place in youth groups. Male leaders invest in male students and female leaders work with female students. I contend that in doing so we miss an opportunity to fill a void in young people's lives.


A woman talking to boys about respecting girls is more powerful than a man talking to them. A man talking to woman about self respect and the message they are sending to the male population when they dress and act a certain way carries more weight than a women discussing the same topic. Perhaps more importantly, breaking down the gender segregation allows the church to stand in the gap and provide the patriarch's so many girls need in order to have a healthy view of themselves and to develop a faith that allows them to be a well-rounded women for Christ.

Why Karl Marx Was Right…Sort of

I often thought Karl Marx didn't need to be pegged as this great villain as many of us "Democrats" tend to view him, really his only fault was putting too much faith in mankind.  I find it rather interesting that a religious community (the early church) was the only community that seems to successfully create the socialist vision that Marx had in mind considering he pegged religion as the villain that stopped fair socialist living from taking place. Forgive the awkward wording, but the basic premise of Marx's view on religion is correct, as an over-simplification. Anyways, as I thought about the historical context for most relationships between government and religion I began to see why Karl Marx saw things the way he did. If one was to view religion (particularly but no solely Christianity) from the angle of social commentary then one would conclude that religion is little more than a tool used by the government to control/persuade its citizens to come on board the ship and set sail.

Much of what I wish to say would simply be repeated and probably wasted breath (or finger energy). So I will conclude with this…Christianity began as, and I believe was meant to me, in conflict with political structures. Yes the bible is clear that the Body of Christ is to coincide with and largely work within the context of political powers, but this is more to combat terrorism (the Jews had their zealots) more than it is a stamp of approval to water down the gospel so that it will fit a democratic political structure. Jesus died a political death because of his political impact. He scared the powers that be, as did the early church. It is sad that today's Church couldn't make a 99 year old atheist politician the slightest bit uneasy, even if its life depended on it.

Belonging before Belief: Turning the Church’s Understanding of “Conversion” on its Head.

Anyone who understands even a little bit about the teenage world can tell you just how paramount belonging is for young people. Insecurity and doubt runs rampant in this "sub-culture." As my wife and I moved securely into adulthood and thus moved further and further away from adolescents we came to a realization. Those scary cool kids who ignored us were just the "flip side" of the same coin. This "too cool for school" kids were really just insecure, scared teenagers themselves. Maybe they didn't ignore us because they thought they were better than us, maybe they were scared and insecure too. Needless to say, students of all kinds are a little too busy trying to belong to worry about whether or not they have the right "belief system."

The American, evangelistic model traditionally begins with the presentation of the gospel. This is immediately followed by a decision. Joining the community of faith is the final step. We can clearly see the problem with this. There is an old youth ministry saying that clearly shows the problem with this evangelistic system; "Kids don't care what you know until they know that you care."

Perhaps America's church's and their youth workers should be a little less worried about whether or not young people believe the right things and more concerned with whether or not they believe that they belong. If students feel that they belong and are accepted at a church and its youth programs, then the seed has been planted. Lord willing, the Holy Spirit will catch hold and make that seed grow. A Christian worldview is crucial for followers of Christ, but it is only possible in a safe environment where students know that they are unconditionally loved. Otherwise we may simply be throwing them "useless pearls" (Matt 7:6)₁

1: See Dallas Willard's interpretation of Matt 7:6 in chapter 7 of Divine Conspiracy (page 228-230).

Christian Music, my Pet Peeve!

In more boredom today at work I decided to listen to an old Skillet CD (not my first choice but beggars can't be choosers); one of the songs on CD is called "Best Kept Secret" which simply shines a light on the obvious lack of participation in the Old "Great Commission" thing in the Western Church. This is not the first, nor the last time that some Christian band will talk about how they can't keep silent about Jesus while turning around and waiting for their well deserved pat on the back. The difference between these other musicians and Skillet is that Skillet just opened here in Omaha for a couple of well known "heathen" hands of similar musical genre. While many Christians will be mad at this and attempt to crucify them right next to POD I give them much deserved kudos. What a concept...share the Good News through your talents to someone besides the usual flock of "groupies" who would listen to the sound of a strangled cat as long as it was labeled "Christian Music". How about not preaching to the choir once in a while, what a novel concept!

Don't get me wrong, I am not edifying so called Christians in the music industry who thank God for the awards and money they received for their latest album which promotes violence and the degradation of women (two things that God is definitely not "on board" with). This whole phenomenon bugs we as much as drop kick to the groin.

Task force Gospel: A preview

The following is an excerpt from an online response article that will appear next month at www.immersejournal.com.

It was a warm July evening during the summer of 2004. I was playing the role of "adult leader" at a high school mission trip in Toronto. The day before we had distributed sack lunches to some of the homeless people in the city. It made me aware of all the homeless people around us as we shopped the downtown area of the city that evening. I found myself in my own little self-righteous world, wishing that I had food to give "these people."

I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when I heard a gruff but sincere "God bless you!" My confusion must have been easily noticeable because a female student in my group looked at me and said "I smiled at him." Somewhere along the way, this chain smoking, emotionally needy, train wreck of a high school student had realized something that I had apparently forgotten. Through her, I was reminded that the good news of Christ is bigger than just filling empty stomach.

The Shema Initiative: A Culmination of Thoughts

Explaining The Shema Initiative

⁴ "Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. ⁵ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Deut 6:4-7 (NLT)

I had a phone conversation with a parent from my church a couple of weeks ago. This parent had some concerns about their soon to be teenage child. During this conversation I learned that though this parent, and their spouse are actively involved in our church's children's ministries, little or nothing is being done in their home throughout the week to reinforce their family's walk with God. I can't help but think that this fact plays some role in the struggles they are having with their child. I also think that many Christian families might tell a similar story if asked.

This individual case highlights a broader discovery from the National Study of Youth and Religion (http://youthandreligion.org/) as highlighted by Dr. Kendra Creasy Dean in her book Almost Christian and her presentation at the 2011 National Youth Workers Convention. According to these studies, to over simplify, youth (at least for the time being) are generally excepting the religious beliefs of their parents. While this is encouraging it presents a problem. The faith that these children are accepting is more of a consumerist, self-help, pseudo-Christianity as opposed to the discipleship that Jesus called his followers to. So, what is a possible answer to this quandary? While Dr. Dean points to an approach to Christian Education that places mission or purpose at its core, I propose a different Christian Education starting point, education to parents. 

The above bible passage (the Shema) has long been a credo for advocates of family-centered ministry. The idea behind this movement is that the church should be equipping parents to be the number one spiritual influence in their children's lives. Though this movement was started decades ago, I see little evidence of its impact on families and churches today. So the question arises, how does this ministry idea become a fact of life in the church and among Christian families? How can I better equip parents to be the spiritual heads in their home?

I am convinced that the answer to this question brings the solutions to many of the youth and children's ministry problems plaguing the church today. I do not think the lack of success in this area is caused by a lack of resources (two words…Sticky Faith). I think, rather, that the church needs to do more to engage parents in the faith formation of their child(ren). Apparently offering the occasional parenting class in church is not going to draw parents in. But why are parents so disengaged? Is it because they don't care? I think the answer is more likely that they are scared. They are scared for the same reasons why youth directors are scared to do relational ministry. It's risky; it requires them to be vulnerable. I think that parents relize that their children's faith is "off the mark" because their own faith is. Perhaps parents feel that they need to be the household pastor, theologian and biblical scholar if they are going to be a part of their child's faith development. Perhaps parents feel inadequate.

Just as a good youth worker would assure both her youth group and her volunteers that they don't have to have all the answers to follow Jesus, and to impact others, so too does a good "minister to families" assure parents that they do not have to have all the answers. I think we need to reframe it this way; to be engaged in a child's faith development a parent must simply decide to begin their own faith journey and decide to take their children with them. This is what the Shema Initiative is all about. This is my passion…this is my obsession…this is my calling! I hope that eventually others involved in church ministry will also feel that call.

Validation of the Shema Initiatve

When I spoke to Dr. Dave Rahn, professor of youth ministry at Huntington University and staff member at the national Youth for Christ office he told me that in a ministry setting true quantitative research is not possible and that we have to focus on the qualitative. So here is some qualitative evidence of the effectiveness of this Shema approach. In my last post I mentioned a parent concerned about their sixth grade child. This parent admitted that in spite of their spouses and their involvement in teaching Sunday school, no intentional action was taking place in their home for the purpose of faith formation and Christian education. Armed with some new tools and some new motivation these parents committed themselves to making faith formation a daily focus in their home making Lenten commitments as a family and studying the gospel of John together. In a few short weeks this parent has already seen the clear effects stating "I can definitely feel the power of the Holy Spirit in our home".

Consider it this way. A sixth grade student at our church has the opportunity to attend church year round (52 hours) and Sunday school and middle school youth group during the school year (40 hours each). That means that with %100 participation, which won't happen, the church has 132 hours a year with a student. If parents are intentional they can more than double that time formally, not to mention the countless informal hours a parent has to live out the good news for their children. I'm biased, but I think it's pretty clear how this Deuteronomy 6 way of thinking will radically improve that chances of a child becoming a lifelong follower of Jesus Christ. Let's be honest, I think it will have a profound effect on the discipleship of parents as well.

In Defense of the Shema Initiative: The Shema Initiative and Un-churched Youth

It inevitably happens every time any mention of a family friendly youth model is suggested. The idea is instantly shot down by someone asking "what about the kids whose parents are a part of the church?" This is a small way of thinking. The Shema is so much bigger than "church programming." In fact it may be that becoming a church that embraces the Shema will not change youth programming at all. Besides, isn't it kind of like saying that a church doesn't need to have a youth outreach program because it already has some seekers coming? Youth workers have no problem admitting the absurdity of that. Ignoring the church-going parents of students is just as absurd.

There has been a movement in youth ministry towards intergenerational ministry (which, is different from multigenerational, by the way) and rightly so. I believe, in fact, that intergenerational ministry is the solution to the question "where do un-churched students fit the family ministry model?" It is curious that so many individuals who embrace intergenerational ministry are skeptical of family-centered youth ministry. Wouldn't it make sense that members of a student's "family of faith" might also serve as adoptive family? If anyone has doubts about young people's willingness to accept individuals as adoptive family, I encourage them to read any literature on gang activity ever produced! A sense of belonging to a family is widely believed to be the number one appeal of gangs to youth. Indeed a sense of belonging is huge for most young people.

So then, belonging to the family of faith allows the Shema Initiative to be pertinent for all of our young people. It is important to consider that the Shema (Deuteronomy 6) was originally read to the entire nation of Israel, creating the "it takes a village to raise a child" effect. In the United Methodist tradition, infant baptism represents a covenant made by parents to God to raise their child in the Christian faith (warning: oversimplification). In a baptism ceremony, the members of the church all join the covenant, promising to assist the family in doing so. At no point is the children's and youth staff tasked with this responsibility. In the context of the UMC, The Shema Initiative is simply requiring that parents and church members take that covenant seriously. The Shema Initiative is also asking church members to fill the role of adoptive spiritual parents for those youth who need it. There is nothing unrealistic or ineffective about that!

Lowered Expectations: The damaging effect of our low expectations on our children

Last Saturday (the day before Easter) I took my 3 year old and 5 year old sons to another church's Easter egg hunt. It was just a short walk from our home, so I thought, "what the heck." I figured it would be fun for them, and maybe I would get some ideas for next year. Man alive, what a production! I had to register the kids and we were herded into the sanctuary. While in the sanctuary and cute, but way too long, skit took place. The skit covered the illustration of the empty egg as a symbol for the empty tomb (this is important…I promise). The skit was followed by a very brief gospel presentation. Finally, we were released to our designated area to hunt for eggs. 

I discussed the event with my wife later that day. I had picked up a lot of ideas about how to have an effective Easter egg hunt, but I really thought that the skit was too much for my kids. I believed that my kids didn't get anything out of it. Boy was I wrong! Easter morning, in church, our senior pastor called the children forward for the children's message. He used; you guessed it, the empty egg analogy. My oldest son, as if scripted, blurted out "that's too remind us about the empty tomb. Jesus has risen!" That little bugger had retained everything from the skit! I was both proud and disappointed at the same time.


I tell this story to illustrate the point that we often under estimate children. As they get older this can stifle their faith development. For example, many children can begin to think abstractly at the age of ten. Does the content of our Sunday school and children's church lessons take that into consideration? Why is the material we use to teach ten year olds the same as six year olds? Why do we think that we do not need to being teaching the children of our church until they are four? 

Of even greater concern, is the insistence that middle school and high school students have the same "black and white," narrow faith that they did as young children. This fear of exploration and growth is exactly the thing that causes a young person to reject their faith when something tragic happened. We have insisted that they put God in such a small box, and if their reality no longer fits in the box than God doesn't work for them. We have done this to them! Does a child have to become an atheist if they explore the possibility of evolution, or the idea that the world is not literally 7,000 years old? I believe that the answer to that question is no. I understand that it's scary non the less. 

If the ultimate goal is for young people to become life-long followers of Christ, then they must develop a "Christian Worldview" and an understanding of who God is that is big enough for the trials they will face in the "real world." Stiffling a young person's "faithing," as Steve Argue calls it, is causing the very thing that we are so afraid of. In trying to "protect" children's faith we are actually destroying it. Andrew Root believes that one of the greatest disservices that the church does to young people is to teach them that faith means unreservedly accepting everything as opposed to finding belief amongst our doubts. I am convinced that he is right.