A Father’s Issue with “Beauty”

“I wanna watch Sweeping Beauty!” the bellow of an adorable small voice broke the silence.  My 2 ½ year old daughter, Sadie, loves all things princess.  That means Disney movies, lots and lots of Disney movies.  Normally I would open the case, pop in the DVD and not think twice, but this time was different.  I looked at the cover.  Read the title, “Sleeping Beauty,” thought about similar Disney movies (like “Beauty and the Beast”), and I suddenly a profound realization.  These movies are actually defining Beauty.

Our teenage daughters have probably lost interest in Disney, but popular culture’s message to today’s adolescent girls very similar to that of these children’s movies.  According to these forms of media, beauty is a physical trait.  A girl is beautiful if, and only if she looks a certain way.  That means beauty is objective, to be a beauty you must have these traits.  That also means, according to popular culture, that there are young girls, watchers of these movies, who are not beautiful.  

So what do we do?  Let’s be honest, completely eliminating interaction popular culture  practical option.  So what is?   I truly believe that involved parents can have a huge impact on their daughters’ understanding of beauty; I even think we can beat out “Sweeping Beauty.”

Parents can help their daughters develop a healthy self-esteem and understanding of Beauty by:

 1.    Be a comparison free household.  Never, and I mean never, let your children catch you comparing yourself or your spouse to a celebrity, or anyone else.  Even when meant to be a complement the message is the same “Beauty = looking like Hugh Jackman (or some other hunk).”  If your child doesn’t feel that they look like said person, they won’t feel attractive.  Even when comparisons have nothing to do with looks, like “why can’t you behave like little Billy” you are still setting a precedent, you are opening the door for comparison, you are stating that they have to be good enough, to be accepted.   
2.       Model a healthy understanding of beauty.  I have witnessed parents being poor examples of this.  I mean, I’ve seen it all; middle aged women dressing like their daughters, mothers fathers belittling their looks in front of their children, fathers making comments about someone who is not “attractive” in the traditional sense, mothers hanging out at the beach alongside their adolescent daughters in barely there swimwear-showing off “the work they had done.”  Do the delight of their husbands.  Most of us would not be this blatant in our poor examples, but we must remember, for good or for bad we will be modeling an understanding concerning the topic of beauty, whether we realize it or not. 

3.       Play the role of “Prince Charming” by communicating an unconditional beauty.  I believe that a biblical understanding of beauty, like love, is that it is unconditional.  Make a point to talk about an as individual being a beautiful person to your children, and then describe nonphysical traits about them.  Constantly tell your children how beautiful and wonderful they are.  Make a point to occasionally list beautiful things about them that have nothing to do with physical traits. 

4.       Have conversations with your children about what “the world” says about beauty.  The world around our children is saying that “beauty is only skin deep” but it still really matters.  What’s worst, young women who are deemed “beautiful” are instructed to self-objectify themselves in order to use their beauty to get ahead.  It’s a lose/lose scenario.  The bible, in contrast, says that our children are “wonderfully made” (Psalms 119:14) and that “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).  Whenever we witness our child being bombarded with a distorted view of beauty it as an opportunity to have a quick conversation about God’s take on beauty. 

Parents can’t completely shelter children from Pop-culture and its beauty message, but the situation is not hopeless.  Parents can teach their children the latter by avoiding comparisons, by modeling a healthy understanding of beauty, and by communicating an unconditional beauty.  I am committed to communicating to my children that they are beautiful, no matter what.  Parents, will you commit to do the same?