Exploring 3 Family Ministry Models

In Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views Jones (2009) describes three models for many Ministry.  These models are Family-Based, Family-Equipping and Family-Integrated.  Before I explore these three models I have general criticism concerning this resource.  I am troubled that all three examples to showcase the models are from the same denomination (Baptist) and geographic region (Tennessee, Kentucky and Texas).  There is an assumed agreement on many issues in this book that is simply not the case in different denominations and different parts of the country. 

Family-Integrated Ministry

This assumed agreement is most clearly seen in Renfro’s (2009) explanation of the Family Integrated Model.  According to Jones (2009) this model is, “by far the most radical model.  In a family integrated church, all age-graded classes and events are eliminated…In a family integrated congregation, each scripturally ordered household is a building lock; together these building blocks constitute the local church” (42-43).  Renfro (2009) describes his ministry context as a family integrated church.  He notes that Grace Family Baptist Church was planted as a family integrated church.  It is my opinion that the family integrated approach is only a realistic option in such cases.  Renfro (2009) goes on to describe a rather archaic model for discipleship and discipline that this church teaches its families.  This is where the trouble really begins in my eyes.  Even if an existing church could transition into a family integrated church without completely falling apart, as a minister of a church in a denomination that allows for and encourages female pastors, district superintendents and bishops, stating that men are the sole spiritual heads of the household may not fly.  Likewise, there are many families in my context that would never consider corporal punishment as a discipline tool in their household.   For all these reasons I find the Family integrated model to be an unrealistic.

Family-Based Ministry

According to Jones (2009), “In the family-based ministry model, no radical changes occur in the church’s internal structure.  The congregation still maintains youth ministry, children’s ministry, singles ministry, and so on…Yet each ministry sponsors events and learning experiences that are intentionally designed to draw generations together” (43.)  According to Shields (2009) a major benefit of this approach is, “Family-based ministry supports Christian families where they exist, while at the same time, aggressively and intentionally engaging non-Christian families with the transforming message of Christ” (98).  The family-based model does seem to have the best of both worlds.  Still, both Renfro and Strother (2009) raise concerns that this ministry model may not do enough to engage parents and may add more chaos to the already too busy lives of the churches families.  I believe that the effectiveness of this model hinges first, on how constant the flow of communication and parenting resources is that comes to families from the church, and second, on whether or not a church scales back the number of age segregated programs and activities to make room for intergenerational events and programs.  

Family-Equipping Ministry

In describing the family-equipping ministry model Jones (2009) states, “In this model, many semblances of age-organized ministry remain intact…Yes church leaders play every ministry to champion the place of parents as primary disciple-makers in their children’s lives, asking, ‘What is best for families?’ at every level of the church’s ministry…family-equipping ministry reworks the church’s entire structure to call parents to disciple their children at every level of the church’s work” (43-44).  Strother (2009) adds “family equipping congregations do not believe it is enough merely to tweak or refocus exisiting youth and children’s programs” (144).  The major roadblock I see in this model is acknowledged by Strother (2009), “The family-equipping model requires years to take root and permeate every level of church life” (164).  Perhaps the answer is to be a family-based congregation moving ever slowly in the direction of a family-equipping church.    

Jones, T. P. (Ed.). (2009). Perspectives on family ministry: 3 views. Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing Group.  

Three Perspectives on Family Ministry

Anthony and Rae (2011) state, “Children’s and youth ministries today need to run to the aid of parents if they want to care for the souls of today’s generation…As it does this, it will need to inspire parents to their God-given role, equip them with tools and resources that will aid in the effort, and support them in the process” (221).  With this in mind, I asked Eric Ward (Children’s Pastor at Sparta Church of the Nazarene), Keegen Lenker (Pastor of Intergenerational Discipleship at Pasadena First Church of the Nazarene) and Matt Deprez (Intergenerational Pastor at Frontline Church) the following questions:

What have you/are you currently doing to engage parents in the discipleship process of their children?

What has the result been?

What to you hope to do in the next one to five years to engage parents in the discipleship process?

What have you/are you currently doing to equip parents to be involved in the discipleship process of their children?

What has the result been?

What to you hope to do in the next one to five years to equip parents to be involved in the discipleship process?

What follows are summations of their responses. 

E. Ward, Personal Correspondence, 08/17/2013.

Pastor Ward reported that one thing Sparta Church of the Nazarene does to engage parents in the faith formation process is to ensure that the content of the children’s worship service parallel’s the “adult worship” in content and biblical reference.  Parents are given take home sheets with specific probing questions to ask.  To reinforce this the senior pastor regularly addressed these questions in his weekly sermons and “charges” the parents to ask their children these questions from the pulpit.  Sparta Church of the Nazarene also has a weekly family (intergenerational service) that takes place every Sunday evening.  Pastor Ward has observed that a modified children’s service seems to work better in this setting than a modified “adult” one in engaging the whole family.  He points out that good family movies, like Monster’s University, are basically disguised as children’s movies.  Later this Sparta Church of the Nazarene will be doing a special event Sunday morning called “Children’s Church Live.”  Parents will be observing a children’s worship service to experience what their children are actually learning in an effort to engage them in the discipleship process.

Pastor Eric reports that he has had the most success equipping parents on a one-on-one basis.  He focuses on families that are open to being involved in the faith development of their children.  One way that he equips these receptive parents is to give books and other resources directly to them (free of charge).  In the future Eric plans to continue incorporate family ministry “lingo” into the language of Sparta Church of the Nazarene to open more doors for equipping parents.  An example of this is the continual use of the phrase “partnering with parents.” 

K. Lenker, Personal Correspondence, 08/17/2013.

Pastor Lenker began by noting his realization that even curriculum has been an indicator that churches have stopped having faith in the family’s ability to disciple one another.  The result in his ministry context has been parents who are afraid to enter the process.  Lenker responded by observing parents and asking intentional questions to figure out what family’s “faith rhythm’s” looked like, discerning if discipleship was already taking place in the home in some form. 

To begin to engage parents Pastor Lenker has done “pastor parent” conferences, mimicking parent teacher conferences at schools.  He continually shares information telling parents that parents and the church must “be in this together.”  He tries to send a continuous string of information to parents telling them how important they are to their children’s faith formation.  He currently is using transition/milestone classes to engage and empower parents in the discipleship process.  For example, High school seniors and their parents go through a class together as the seniors prepare for graduation, and Parents of upcoming seventh grade students (junior high) attend a parent only class in preparation for the child entering the teenage years.  In the future Keegan intends to educate new staff, that he oversees, on the importance of transitions/milestones in the faith development of youth and in the equipping and engaging of parents.  He also plans to identify other milestones that can be used to this end.

Pastor Lenker has also empowered parents by offering resources for free and sending the clear message “that he believes in them.”  Like pastor Ward he uses a one on one approach to equip parents.  Lenker has specifically attempted to educate parents in the value of being present and entering into the lives of their children.  He stresses the importance of being honest and vulnerable and that parents not “make idols of themselves”.  He believes that parents sharing faith stories, especially past failures, is crucial to the faith development of youth.  Lenker shares some stories about a particular family.  A father had shared with him 1)that he felt disconnected from this seventeen year old daughter and 2) his disappointment in learning that his daughter had been smoking marijuana. 

Pastor Lenker asked this father what his daughter liked to do.  “Shop” was his answer.  Lenker instructed this father to go shopping with his daughter.  He as to give her $30 and the two of them were to separate, buy a gift for each other and then discuss why they purchased those gifts over dinner at the food court.  As for the marijuana, Lenker asked the father “have you ever smoked pot?”  When the father admitted he had, Lenker added “don’t you think you daughter should know that?” 

Lenker is convinced that when parents admit their failures as youth it is not a license for children to make the same mistakes, as many parents fear. With this conviction in mind, he plans to lead a six to eight week course later this year that teaches people that their story, their testimony, has value and needs to be shared. 

M. Deprez, Personal Correspondence, 08/17/2013.

In the process of engaging parents Pastor Deprez believes that we must ask the question “how much does the teach and parents reinforce and parents teach and church reinforce.”  With this in mind, Frontline has begun giving parents get discussion questions to talk about with kids before the church actually does the lesson.   Deprez also believes that measurables to gauge whether or not a church is successfully engaging parents is crucial.  One handout that they give parents after the lesson is to be handed in to the church.  This way they can determine who many families are actually using the handout at home.  Deprez believes engaging parents hinges on convincing them that they can actually handle discipling their children.  He notes the importance of “broken record communication” using common language whenever possible.  Deprez believes that a church cannot over communicate and adds that a church should not give up on an attempt too early.  He believes it takes three years for something to begin to be effective.

To equip families Frontline church has suggested resources for parents on their website that get updated/changed monthly.  Deprez also mentions carrying books that he gives to families for free.  He believes getting resources in the hands of parents right away is also key.  Frontline Church utilizes rightnowmedia.org, which he describes as Netflix for churches.  Through their subscription all members of the church have digital access to countess marriage, parenting, children’s, and youth resources.   

Pastor Deprez seconds Pastor Lenker’s conviction that making sure milestones are family based is very important.  Parents are required to go to classes for their child’s milestones (baptism, baby dedication, and faith commitments for example).  Frontline has also recognized that strengthening marriages is a crucial component to equipping parents.  This February there will be Front Line Life Classes: 13 weeks of topics focusing on Sex, Money, Dating/Marriage and etc.    

Anthony, M.D. and Kid, R. (2011). Children’s ministry in the context of the family for spiritual formation.  In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (206-222). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

6 Communication Strategies for Families

1.       Learn to Listen and Ask Questions, Not Lecture

Powell, K.E. & Clark, C. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

According to Powell and Clark (2011), “One of the most important pieces of sticky faith communication advice we can share is this: never explain something to your kid if you can ask a question instead” (77).  Parents seem to have a way of talking at their children instead of two them.  My father communicated to me in my adolescents (and beyond) by lecturing me.  My glazed looks and wandering eyes went unnoticed as “he said what he needed to say.”   I remember one instance where my dad was talking at (not to) my girlfriend (who is now my wife) and he actually took a break to talk about why he was talking so much. 

As parents we want our children to learn from our mistakes so they don’t make the same ones, but Powell and Clark (2011) rightly point out, “Parents lecturing kids hasn’t worked…Picture you and your child talking about premarital sex.  Does your child know what you think about it?  Does your child know what you would want to say about it?  Odds are good that the answer to both is yes” (77-78).   Our communication with children needs to help them come to their own understanding of what Christ would have them do, not force our views down their throats. 

2.       Use Humble Words: Make Requests not Demands

Chapman, G. (2010). The 5 love languages: the secret to love that lasts (4^th edition).  Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.

Chapman writes, “Love makes demands, not requests.  When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child” (45).  Within a marriage the need for a partnership instead of a “boss/servant” relationship is clear.  I believe that having a family-wide partnership is beneficial.  Children certainly need boundaries and expectations to grow, but those expectations can be communicated in terms of a family partnership rather than a parent run dictatorship.     

3.       Conflict Resolution: Five Steps

Woodward, O. (2011). Resolved: 13 Resolutions for LIFE. Flint, MI: Obstacles Press, Inc.

According to Woodward (2011) the five steps to conflict resolution are:

1.       Affirm the Relationship

2.       Seek to Understand

3.       Seek to be Understood

4.       Own Responsibility by Apologizing

5.       Seek Agreement (223). 

As family we all care about each other, and it is important to reminder each of that before we tackle a conflict.  Any time there is a conflict it is easy for us to focus on our own feelings and needs.  Intentionally seeking to understand the others involved before we try to be understood helps us to get our focus of ourselves.  The reality is that both/all parties have wronged the other and we need to learn to apologize.  It is often easy to say “sorry” but it is sometimes much harder specifically admit what we have done wrong and accept the consequences involved.  When we are able to understand the other family member’s perspective and admit our wrong doing it is much easier to agree on a new course of action to prevent repeat conflicts.  I have seen extreme examples of families who these steps towards resolution are ignored.  They are trapped on a “carousel of doom,” destined to enter the same conflicts over and over again. 

4.       Share Stories of Future Hope

http://leadership.fuller.edu/Leadership/Resources/Part_2-Three_Ways_to_Lead/IV__The_Cultural_or_Interpretative_Approach_to_Leading/D__Meaning_Making_Leaders_Proclaim_Vision/1__A_Shared_Story_of_Future%C2%A0Hope.aspx

Scott Cormode begins by stating:

I define vision as "a shared story of future hope." Vision is designed to change people and to entice them to participate in a change that is larger themselves. People do not grab onto a plan, nor do they assent to abstract beliefs. That does not change them. Instead, people are transformed when they participate in a story—one that sets them on a trajectory.

Whether one is trying make major changes to a church of 1,000 or to the culture of a nuclear family, it will be difficult.  Using narrative, specifically stories that embody what a family or institution wants to become, change can be embraced more easily.  Eventually “my story” becomes “our story.”  I am not forcing my vision upon you; I am inviting you to become part of a story. 

I see this strategy being especially helpful for families who have been through a tragedy, such as a divorce or death of a member.  Perhaps a shared story from the past that embodies what the family wants to be about even after the loss will cast a vision.  Maybe it’s a story for the parent’s childhood that is owned in hopes of making a similar story in the present of near future.  A story about another family who has faced a similar loss who has become a thriving family can be the future hope that is needed. 

5.       Increase Topics of Conversation

Lee, N. and Lee S. (2000). The marriage Book. Deerfield,IL: Alpha North America.  

We may find as husband and wife, parent and child, or any other family relationship we have, that our topics of conversation are limited.  In such a case Lee and Lee (2000) suggest, “It will require a conscious decision to show am interest in what our husband or wife (or child) already enjoys” (52).  By entering into new territory as we participate in the interests of our family it gives them permission to share about a topic they care about but it also allows us to share our thoughts and feelings about our new experience.    

6.       Use Non Verbal Signals that Match Up With Your Words.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/effective_communication_skills.htm

I am admittedly terrible at this.  When I am passionate my gestures and other signals say that I am angry or agitated.  Likewise, when I am thinking about what is being said to me I tend to break eye contact as I contemplate what is being said.  This sends the signal that I am not paying attention.  Thinking about what your non-verbal ques are saying and intentionally making sure that your cues match you words and message is a necessary step to good communication.  

Spiritual Care in the Home

Spiritual Care in the Home

Family is essential for the generativity of the Christian faith.  Both scripture (Deuteronomy six and eleven) and research support the notion that family-especially parents-have a responsibility and a major role in the faith formation of children.  What does that look like in the twenty-first century?  Can today’s family still be a primary source of discipleship for one another? Changes within the family and the surrounding culture create challenges to spiritual care in the home.  Today’s churches must assist families in navigating these challenges so they can successfully disciple one another.

Generative Faith: The Shema

One cannot discuss spiritual care in the home before addressing what the Word of God has to say about the subject.  This topic is directly confronted by the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).   Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NLT) states:

⁴ “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. ⁵ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. ⁸ Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.⁹ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

The Shema makes some clear statements.  First, faith in God is to permeate every aspect of ones life.  Second, passing on the faith to the next generation must come in the same manor.  Blanchette states, “Children are not only to be taught for cognitive understanding, but for obedience” (122).  The Shema is requiring parents to, “faithfully immerse their children in the faith” (127).  Following God is to impact all aspects of ones life, this means spiritual care must address all aspects of life, and passing on the faith to children is a process that intersects with everyday life.  To provide spiritual care is to embrace this fact. 

Issues Facing Today’s Family

The New Family Structures

During biblical times the family was much larger than it is today.  In both the early church and in Old Testament times the family core went well beyond parents and children and included extended family (Garland, 2012).  According to Genesis 14:14 (NLT) the bible the men in Abraham’s family numbered at least 318.  The family was “the village” that was needed to raise children.  Immersing a child in faith was a much easier process when the family had built in support for parents.

According to Bennett (1996) the family structure known as the nuclear family took form in America in the early 19^th century.  When “the village” was reduced to father and mother parenting obviously became more challenging.  The entrance of the 1960’s with its carefree lifestyles, as well as increased divorce rates once again brought a changing view of the American family (Anthony, 2011).  These new changes often times resulted in one individual being responsible for all parental duties.  Spiritual care once was the duty of a small army, now that army is one.  The instruction of the Shema has become much more challenging.

Outsourcing of Parental Duties

With the dwindling familial support for parents, it is understandable that our culture has instructed parents to outsource their responsibilities and we shouldn’t be too hard on them for heeding that instruction.  In biblical times families not only educated children about the Jewish and Christian faith, they were responsible for all aspects of life development.  Chap Clark (11) points out that even at the turn of the twentieth century only ten percent of adolescents attended high school.  Today’s school is not only responsible for formal education, but in some cases with providing children three meals a day and with teaching them social graces and life skills.

The American church has been all too eager to take the responsibility of child faith formation away from parents.   According to Oestreicher (2008) youth workers began creating separate environments for young people during the 1970’s that focused on age specific discipleship.  In its most extreme form, families never worship God together.  Children attend the children’s worship service, adolescents attend the youth worship service and adults attend the “normal” worship service.  This often sets the tone, resulting in families that do not directly address faith at home throughout the week. Garland (2012) rightly states, “For congregations to become communities of faith that encourage families to tell their stories of faith means that family members must be together at least some of the time in the life of the congregation” (333).         

In lieu of the Shema, this church centered model of the discipleship of children is unbiblical. In addition, it has also proven itself to be ineffective.  After reviewing numerous studies Clark and Powell (2011) conclude, “As we have examined other research, our conclusion is that 40 to 50 percent of kids who graduate from a church or youth group will fail to stick with their faith in college” (15).

Ministry Context: Rockford united Methodist Church

            At Rockford United Methodist Church (RUMC) we are addressing spiritual care in the home by 1) encouraging parents to take a primary role in the faith formation of their children, and 2) encouraging our adult congregation to fill a familial support role by mentoring children. 

Encouraging Parents

It’s a phone conversation that every veteran youth worker has had.  I had on the other line an upset parent who had some serious concerns about their preteen child.  It was not directly said, but there was an implied hope that I would be able to step in and do something to remedy the situation.  In the past, I would have tried, and probably failed.  Instead I asked this parent about Christian practices in the home.  During this conversation I learned that though this parent, and their spouse, were actively involved in the church's children's ministries, little was being done in their home throughout the week to reinforce their family's walk with God.  I couldn’t help but think that this fact played a role in the struggles they were having with their child, and I told them so.  

            At RUMC we do more than simply put the ball in parents’ courts.  We also work hard to help parents see how important they are to the faith development of their children.  We try to equip parents through classes and by offering them a constant stream of resources.  I check in with this particular parent regularly to see if there is anything I can do to help, and I try to send the message to all the other parents that I am here to support them.

Creating Mentors

            RUMC also tries to support parents by fostering relationships between their and the other adults of our church.  We have made sure that children and youth worship with their families, removing a church service that took place during the Sunday school hour in the process.  We are always looking for other creative ways to get young people and adults together.  We no longer have confirmation separate from adult membership.  We now have intergenerational membership.  This fall we also have an intergenerational bible study involving adults and high school students, including parent-child duos. 

            We want RUMC to fill the support role that the larger family of biblical times would have filled for parents.  Taking a page from Powell and Clark (2011), we are striving to connect every young person to five Christian adults, in addition to parents and church staff.    

We tell our congregation building those relationships might mean volunteering with one of the many children’s and youth programs offered to young people at RUMC.  For others it could mean a less formal way of connecting with our youth.  Perhaps that means building an authentic and ongoing relationship with a young person through proximity.  Maybe a family with children in our church lives in their neighborhood and they offer to babysit the children for free. 

Maybe the family doesn’t live near them but they sit in or near the same pew as them every Sunday and they commit to pray for the children and strike up a conversation with them each week.  It could mean that they find a way to connect with a young person through shared interests.  Perhaps they take a member of the high school golf team golfing or teach a young girl how to knit.  Maybe they pick up a teenager and take them to choir or praise team practice every week.  Whatever it looks like, we want the adults of our church to serve as spiritual aunts, uncles, grandparents and older cousins for the young people of our church.  

Conclusion

Changes within the family and the surrounding culture impact spiritual care in the home.  Churches must aid families in navigating these challenges so that Christian discipleship can take place within the home.  The church must equip parents to take a primary role in the faith formation of their children as outlined in the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).  This means that the family must overcome the challenges that its smaller size brings, as compared to biblical times, and overcome the cultural expectation that it outsource its role to the church. 

References

Anthony, M.J. (2011). The morphing of the Family.  In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (2-20). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

Bennett, W. J. (1996). The Broken Hearth. New York, NY: Double Day.   

 Blanchette, L.M. (2011) Spiritual markers in the life of a child. In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (119-134). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

Clark, C (2011). Hurt 2.0: inside the world of today’s teenager (2^nd Addition). Grand Rapids, MI. Baker Academic.

Garland, D.R. (2012). Family ministry: a comprehensive guide (2^nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.  

Oestreicher, M. (2008). Youth ministry 3.0. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.  

Powell, K.E. & Clark, C. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. 

Sermon Transcript: Let the Children Come

First Lesson: Mark 9:36-37

“³⁶Then he put a little child among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, ³⁷ "Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes my Father who sent me." 

Words of Promise: Proverbs 22:6

⁶Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Second Lesson: Mark 10:13-16

¹³ One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him.  ¹⁴ When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. ¹⁵ I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” ¹⁶ Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them.

Monsters, INC.

In Disney Pixar’s Movie Monsters, INC. there is a comical scenario in which monsters rely on the screams of children for the energy to run their city.  What makes things interesting is that the Monsters are deathly afraid of children, believing that if they are even touched by a child, their life will be in danger.  With that in mind, let’s watch a short scene from the film.

The Clip…

This clip and its back story may be outlandish, but the central theme might not be as far from our reality as we think.  The theme, in a nut shell, is that children have their purpose and place but by in large should be feared and avoided.  I think we tend to share this view sometimes.  Have you ever heard the saying “children are to be seen and not heard” or something to the effect “I need a break from children when I am worshiping God.”  And you should see some of the looks I get when I suggest to individuals that they volunteer in our middle school programs! 

The Lesson…

One thing is for certain, this is a theme that the apostles had.  The children just weren’t a high priority for Jesus’ disciples.  To them, following Christ was a grown up affair.  Surely, Jesus was too busy doing miracles and teaching to pay any attention to these young ones. 

The Disciples probably didn’t doubt the motives of the parents who attempted to bring their children to Jesus.  More than likely they resented this imposition on Jesus’ time and power.  After all, teaching and miracles should preoccupy Jesus’ time and attention, not the touching of children to satisfy a mother’s whims.  The Disciples’ message is clear, children just aren’t that important. 

The Abdonment of Youth…

In his book Hurt 2.0:Inside the World of Today’s Teenager Dr. Chap Clark makes a troubling claim.  Clark concludes that in the United States we have systematically abandoned our youth.  Overkill, definitely; unfair, sure; partially true, if we are brutally honest, absolutely! 

Clark anonymously quotes a high school student who had this to say:

“We spend no time with adults from junior high on- fifteen minutes every other day is the best we ever get.” 

Dr. Clark goes on to share some startling statistics...teenagers on average spend less than 5% of their time with their parents and only 2% of their time with other adults.

Children Need Adults!

But here’s the thing, children need adults!  The young individual quoted knows that they need adults.  Throughout human history children have learned to become adults by observing, learning from and imitating adults. 

All you have to do is take a look around you to recognize that today’s young people are struggling to make the transition from adolescence to adulthood.  Chap Clark concludes that it is because our society has abandoned them.

We also need to admit that sometimes the church has been a part of this so called abandonment.  We have seen the negative results it has had as teenagers in the church become adults, haven’t we?  One of the consequences of this abandonment has been that many young people have graduated from their relationship with God when they have graduated from the youth group.  Research has shown that this scenario is true nearly half the time!  I don’t know about all of you but those our odds that I can’t live with!

Jesus and the Children

Those are results that Jesus isn’t satisfied with either.  It is very clear from today’s lesson that Jesus has a very different perspective on children than that of his disciples.  Jesus is nothing short of displeased by the disciples’ attempts to keep the children from him.  Jesus smashes their pre-conceived notions about the unimportance of children even going so far as to say that they have the key to entering the kingdom of Heaven. 

Jesus demands that his followers get out of the way and allow the children to come to Him.  He gladly takes the time to pick the children up into his arms and bless them.  So, what does Jesus’ example mean for us today?

The Church that Lets the Children Come

I have a general belief that Christ’s church should seek to mimic the life of Christ.  So, how can the church and the individuals that make it up “let the children come?” By going against the societal norms of adolescent abandonment, and being the one place where adults intentionally spend time with and build authentic relationships with young people.  That means that the adults of this congregation need to be serious about fostering relationships with the young people of this church.

Everyone’s Responsibility

Remember the number 5.  Research has shown that this is the number of Christian adults a child needs in their life, in addition to parents and church staff, in order to have the best chance of becoming a lifelong follower of Christ.    Make no mistake, for every young person that is a part of RUMC to have 5 Christian adults in their lives, everyone here today has to take seriously the responsibility to be one of those adults for one of those children.  

What it Looks Like – as a Church

But what in the world does that look like?  Well for Rockford United Methodist Church as a congregation it is creating intentional opportunities for what is known as inter-generational relationships to form. Now when I say inter-generational I mean the intentional development of relationships between adults and young people. 

You need to know that your church is already moving in that direction.  It is why adult membership and conformation are now one in the same.  Adults and youth will now attend the same membership class.  Likewise, it is why this fall adults and senior high students will be participating in Disciple Class together.   And it is also why instead of having the youth group clean the church this fall, we are having an all church building clean on Wednesday evening September 11. We are making these changes first and foremost to create connections and adult support for the young people of RUMC.

What it Looks Like – as Individuals

For all of us as individuals it means making it our personal calling to build an authentic and ongoing relationship with at least one young person from this church.

Now, a word to the retirees that are a part of this church; you may feel that your time to “work with kids” is done.  Paul’s challenge a couple of Sunday’s ago aside,  allow me to throw out another statistic… 2/3’s of the young people in our country do not have grandparents who live in the same vicinity as them.  That too is a new cultural phenomenon, and it’s not good!  Some of the most impactful and blessed relationships that I have seen and heard about were between Retirees and youth. 

Building Relationships

So, how do we build those relationships? For some of us building those relationships might mean volunteering with one of the many children’s and youth programs offered to young people at RUMC.  You didn’t really think I would pass up an opportunity to ask you all to volunteer, did you?  Now, that might be as simple even as volunteering once a month in Nursery or JAMS.  These are two great ministries in need of more volunteers and a great venue for building relationships with children. 

For others it could mean a less formal way of connecting with our youth.  Perhaps that means building an authentic and ongoing relationship with a young person through proximity, maybe a family with children in our church lives in your neighborhood and you offer to babysit the children for free once a month.  Maybe the family doesn’t live near you but they sit in or near the same pew as you every Sunday and you commit to pray for the children and strike up a conversation with them every Sunday.

It could mean that you find a way to connect with a young person through shared interest.  Maybe you take a member of the RHS golf team golfing, maybe you teach a young girl how to knit.  Maybe you and another individual (in case the safety committee is listening) pick up a teenager and take them to choir or praise team practice every week.  

Whatever is looks like for you, it is something that you will have to be committed to and the rewards will be eternal, not just for the child, but also for you…Remember what Jesus said about the Kingdom of Heaven…children hold the key…

Conclusion – a Choice to Make

Rockford United Methodist Church has a choice to make.  Each of us has a choice to make.  Will this place be just another place that categorically abandons its youth, or will it be a place and a people that say