Today’s children, youth and adults face a wide
array of challenges. What help can developmental theory be in facing
these challenges? How can the church leverage developmental theory
to better minister to children, youth and families? Three challenges
to children, youth and family that can be addressed in light developmental
theory are: fractured nuclear families, adolescent abandonment, and society’s
obsession with diagnosis.
Challenges Facing Children, Youth and
Families
Fractured Nuclear Families
Garland (2012) rightly
instructs, “A doctrine of family life fueled by judging who is ‘in’ and who is
‘out’ based on their family life situations needs to be carefully scrutinized”
(88). The blending of two families can also be a difficult adjustment for family
members. If children respond negatively to change it is easy to
focus on the responsive behaviors rather on the environment sparking the
negative response. Friedman (1985) points out, “In family
relationships, as long as individuals focus primarily on the toxicity of their
relatives’ behavior instead on what makes them vulnerable, they will fail to
realize that it is a far healthier response to work on their own ‘cells,’ as a
way of immunizing themselves against ‘insult.’ Actually, such
responses accomplish more than self-protection; they also tend to modify the
insulting behavior” (64).
Adolescent Abandonment
Chap Clark (2011)
states, “Systemic abandonment of adolescents as a people group seems to capture
the widest range of descriptors used by careful observers of adolescent and
adolescents themselves” (28). Clark (2011) points to research that
indicate that adolescents spend less than seven percent of their time with
adults, including parents. Last Sunday during a parent class I was
leading, covering some of Clark’s work, a parent from our church admitted that
she felt guilty that her preteen child wasn’t spending more time with
peers. She recognized that this guilt was driven by society’s
message to segregate young people. Another parent noted that once a
child enters middle school parents are no longer encouraged to spend time in
that child at school.
Obsession with Diagnoses
Garland (2012) states, “If a child is told he is
unkind he may believe it and be more likely to act unkindly. Instead,
naming the negative behavior helps the child come to terms with the behavior
and not be overwhelmed by the parent’s negative opinion of his very personhood”
(399-400). This is exactly what is done when we are quick to have
our children diagnosed. Friedman (1985) notes, “The diagnosis of the
individual family member stabilizes family homeostasis and makes it more
difficult for the diagnosed member to change” (56). Rockford, like
many middle class communities, is quick to seek the diagnoses of children and
other individuals whose behaviors are difficult to handle. People
are more than their diagnoses and God is bigger than diagnosed disorders.
Challenges and
Developmental Theory
Fractured Nuclear Families
Various
developmental theories (particularly Piaget’s cognitive developmental theory)
make clear how important a caring relationship with parents is for the
development of infants and young children. Developmental theory also
defines the roles that parents play in the development of children. Defining
these roles allows the church to seek ways to assist in feeling those roles
through caring adults from the church, when parents are absent. Developmental
theory also sheds light on the challenges that young people will have when
their families blend with another. By identifying the reasons for
these challenges churches can help families navigate this transition.
Adolescent Abandonment
Developmental
theory allows for the church and families to recognize the needs of
adolescents. Two major needs include building meaningful
relationships that will help them develop their identity, and be challenged
through relationships with individuals who are more developmentally
mature.
Obsession with Diagnoses
Imago
Dei.
Estep and Kim (2010)
state, “We are human because we are made in the image of God…The imago
Dei is the definitive mark of our maker” (p. 11). Humanity,
men and women resemble in some small way, the Triune God. All of
humanity is made in the image of God, therefore, first and foremost, the
“label” giving to individuals is imago Dei, not a diagnosis. Individuals,
regardless of their diagnosis, must be seen as “fearfully and wonderfully made”
(Psalms 139:14).
Developmental
Identification.
A major gift of
developmental theory is it focuses on who the individual currently is, not
lamenting over who they are not. By identifying the various
developmental stages of an individual, he or she’s needs can be met, and the gospel
can be communicated effectively. Regardless of what diagnoses
an individual has, identifying their stages of development will approve the
effectiveness of ministry efforts directed at them.
Action Plan
Supporting Fractured and Blended
Families
The church must be sure that fractured and blended families are not excluded in any way while,
at the same time, being realistic about negative impact divorce has on
families. We are clear about the potentially devastating effects of
family fracturing. We encourage a family systems approach to dealing
with the many challenges divorce and remarriage can create. The church is
a place where young people dealing with the fracturing of their Family will be
fostered into relationships with caring adults who will function as their
“spiritual extended family.”
Addressing Adolescent Abandonment
The church should seek to encourage parents
to ignore societies’ instruction to abandon youth by making intentional times
to be present with their children both at church and at other times. This
includes worship services and other church activities that are not age
fragmented so parents and children can worship and learn about God
together. It is also crucial that the chruch be a place where young people
will be fostered into relationships with caring adults who invest in their
lives and seek to spend time with them. Intergenerational worship,
programs and events create time with parents and with other adults.
Combating the Obsession With Diagnosis
Imago
Dei.
The church can regularly communicates to children and
youth that over and above any label that they are beloved children of God, made
in God’s image. A phrase we use regularly with children and youth is
“there is nothing you can do to make God love you any more or any less.” RUMC
believes that part of what it means to be imago Dei is that we
are all recipients of God’s agape love, and we want our young
people to understand that. The church should also strives to communicate the
gospel to individuals at their developmental level – regardless of how their
development compares to their peers- those without “disorders.” To
accomplish this the church should attempt to address passages/topics from the perspective
of multiple developmental levels.
Family
Systems Counseling.
The Church should
be clear that individuals within the congregation should not be defined by
their diagnoses. People are more than their diagnoses and God is
bigger than diagnosed disorders. There will be times when
the behavioral responses and emotional distresses of family members require
professional help. Based on Friedman’s (1985) thoughts concerning
family systems theory, Rockford UMC will guide families to seek professional
help from mental health practitioners who ascribe to family systems
theory. Family system’s counseling will prevent the approach of
identifying which family member is “the problem” – generally a child or
adolescent.
Conclusion
Today’s children, youth
and adults face a wide array of challenges. Three challenges to
children, youth and family that can be addressed in light developmental theory
are: fractured nuclear families, adolescent abandonment, and society’s
obsession with diagnosis. Developmental theory sheds light on how
the church can minister to children, youth and families who are impacted by
these challenges. the church addresses these challenges by fostering
supportive relationships within the church, communicating imago Dei and
encourage a family system’s approach to therapy over diagnosing the “problem
individual.
