The American Family: Past and
Present
The American Family of
Yesteryear
If asked to
describe what a family from the past most individuals will describe what has
been termed “the nuclear family.” They
will undoubtedly paint a picture that includes a “bread winning father,”
married to a “stay at home mother” whose primary role is to care for their
children. Very little will be said about
the role of extended family within this context. According to most, this is the “ideal”
family situation, and this is a picture of family that many (including the
church) are lamenting.
Garland (2012) points
out, however, that today’s view of the traditional family hasn’t been
“traditional” for all that long. She
states: “The structure of the
‘traditional family’ – breadwinning father and homemaker mother and their
dependent children- has not been the historical reality for more than 5% of the
history of Christianity” (p. 40). In
both the early church and in Old Testament times the family core went well
beyond parents and children and included extended family. According to the bible the men in Abraham’s
family numbered at least 318 (Gen 14:14,
NIV). The number of women and children within Abraham’s family were not even
considered in the verse.
During biblical
times and during the times of the early church the family household encompassed
all aspects of one’s existence (Garland, 2012).
This remained true during the European Middle Ages. Bennett (1996) observes:
At the Dawn of the
European Middle Ages, a key role was played by extended family and kin
relatives … The nuclear family-father, mother, children-was ‘no more than a
loose core at the center of a dense network of lineage and kind relationships,’
and family life was, therefore, far from a private affair…Indeed, marriage
itself was as much about a pathway to a new and larger kinship community as it
was about a deep, intimate relationship with one’s spouse (52-53)
Even as Europeans
began to settle in Colonial America (during the 17th and 18th
centuries) families were much larger than today’s nuclear family. The American nuclear family began to take
form as a result of factors like exploration of the American Frontier and the
Industrial Revolution. These events gave
birth to the “bread winning father and the “stay at home” mother. (Garland, 2012).
Today’s Family and its
Changes
At the closing of
World War II the traditional nuclear family was the near undisputed ideal model
of family. Soon after however, the
unified view of family found itself under fire.
The entrance of the 1960’s with its carefree lifestyles, as well as increased
divorce rates brought a changing view of the American family (Anthony, 2011).
Freddy Cardoza
(2011) concludes that there are both internal and external factors that are
affecting changes in American families. Key
internal factors include breaking and broken homes, immature parents and
hurried children, and nominal faith commitment.
Key external factors include alcohol and drug abuse, our oversexed
society, and financial insecurity (Cardoza 2011).
Anthony (2011) sums up the changes in the
American family as: a significant increase in premarital cohabitation, the
increase in gay/lesbian unions, the continuing increase in single-parent
families, the continuing rise of blended families and teenagers attitudes about
marriage. Perhaps the most striking
change in the American family is how it is defined (Garland 2012). Family is increasingly being defined by
function (treating each other like family) as opposed to structure (who you
are-brother, mother, cousin, grandfather) (Garland 2012). The interesting thing about this is it
creates an opportunity for the family to grow. It allows for a congregation to function as
each other’s family.
A Snapshot: Rockford United Methodist
Church
A
snap shot of my ministry context (West Michigan) definitely mirrors the
changing family. Our families no longer resemble the picture of
family depicted in shows like Leave it to
Beaver. I have not yet reached my
three year anniversary with Rockford United Methodist Church and have already
witnessed numerous divorces and marital separations. Another clear example of the changing family
right here in Rockford is that my wife and I became members of our church
alongside a lesbian couple.
If we gear our
ministries solely towards the nuclear family than we fail to minister to many
of the families attending Rockford United Methodist Church. I am starting to see the exclusionary effect
that our ministries have geared towards families has on our “non-nuclear”
families. Our small group for mothers
meets on Tuesday mornings, ruling out participation for working mothers. Our couples group sends a clear message that
this is not the place for single parents to be ministered to. Even the time we choose to offer our vacation
bible school (9:30 AM to noon) is clearly designed for the nuclear family.
These assumptions
about the family are clearly hindering our ability to minister to the families
of our congregation. If Rockford United
Methodist Church is truly serious about supporting its families then there must
be family ministries in place that allow our families to come as they are. This will mean that careful attention must be
made in answering the question “Are we welcoming all of our families?” Until we are able to do just that, we will
not be a “family friendly” congregation.
Subsequently I am
encouraged because I have observed that our congregants have a functional
understanding of family. I here phrases
like “my church is my home” and “we are a family” at church gatherings. There truly is an opportunity to bring family
ministry to a whole new level. It really
is possible for Rockford United Methodist church to serve as the “extended
family” of our congregation.
Conclusion
Both the structure
and the function of the American family are changing. American churches must learn to address
families within these new contexts if they are going to effectively ministry to
today’s family. Understanding the
factors that are the driving force behind many of the changes taking place
within the family allows the church to effectively minister to today’s family. The changes being made to the family are
scary but they also have a positive side.
Today’s church is blessed with the opportunity to fill a familial role
in the lives of its congregation. It is
an opportunity we had better take full advantage of.
References
Garland, D. R. (2012). Family Ministry: A comprehensive
guide (2nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
Bennett,
W. J. (1996). The Broken Hearth. New
York, NY: Double Day.
Anthony, M.J. (2011). The Morphing of the Family. In
Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.). A Theology for Family Ministries (2-20). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing
Group.
Cardoza,
F. (2011). The Family in Formational
Years. In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.). A
Theology for Family Ministries (64). Nashville,
TN: B&H Publishing Group.
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