Supporting Parents: Church as Clan

I am convinced that family ministry approaches that place the responsibility of discipling children and youth solely on the shoulders of youth do not work because they do not do enough to support parents.   I believe that today’s family, even the ideal nuclear family, is incomplete compared to the family structure prevalent during biblical times.  Garland (2012) states, “The structure of the ‘traditional family’ – breadwinning father and homemaker mother and their dependent children- has not been the historical reality for more than 5% of the history of Christianity” (p. 40).  Bennett (2001) observes, “In ancient Israel, as in most other ancient societies, the family was multigenerational and resembled nothing so much as a small village, the average household, for example, numbered somewhere between fifty and one hundred people” (46). 

When Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs parents to “Impress them (God’s commands) on your children” (NIV), it does so knowing that grandparents, aunts, uncles, adult siblings, and household servants would assist in the process.  For this reason, I believe it is unfair to expect parents at RUMC to live out that instruction without active help from the church.  RUMC has to fill the role that they family clan would have filled in ancient times.  That is why age specific ministries for children and youth, prevalent in the family-based model, are still necessary. 

Limiting the ministries and programs do need to be limited to allow for intergenerational opportunities is equally as important.  Intergenerational experiences not only foster faith interaction between parents and children, they create opportunities for children to be connected with caring adults from the congregation.  It is not enough for a youth worker and key volunteers to represent the sum of the adult support in families’ lives.  Powell, Griffin and Crawford pose, “What if instead of talking about one adult for every five (or seven) kids involved, we said we want a 5:1 adult-to-kid ratio in our youth ministries…I’m talking about five adults who are willing to commit to invest in one teenager in little, medium, and big ways” (79).  Intergenerational opportunities make room for these relationships to happen.  

Bennett, W. J. (2001). The Broken Hearth. New York, NY: Double Day.   

Garland, D.R. (2012). Family ministry: a comprehensive guide (2^nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.  

Powell, K.E. & Griffen, B.M and Crawford, C.A. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.