Parent Empowering Youth Ministry

There was a time when many youth workers thought they had to be an advocate for students amidst the tyranny of their parents and other non-understanding adults.  It is true that parents do occasionally fail their children in terrible ways ranging from unchristian advice and example to heinous and illegal abuse.  Still, if we youth workers our humble and honest we have to admit that most of our disagreements with parents are a matter of personal opinion and preference.  If we want to effectively empower parents we have to push aside our opinions and, whenever possible, honor parents and their wishes.  We will not have a youth group that honors and obeys their parents if we as youth workers are not setting the tone by making a point to also honor them. 

Honor Parents and Their Wishes

One small thing that I regularly do to honor parents is “kick out” students at the end of the night when their parent comes to take them home.  We’ve all seen it a million times, haven’t we?  A mother or father tells their child that it is time to go home and he or she is talking to friends, shooting hoops or in the middle of some crazy youth group game.  They are having fun and they don’t want to leave.  So what do they say?  “Just a minute.”  I know this bothers parents and it should also bother youth workers.  So here is what I do, I fly into the seen in cool youth worker fashion grabbing the ball, obnoxiously interrupting the conversation and screaming “honor your parents!  They said that its time to go home!”  I know this is a small thing, but it sets precedence.  It tells parents that I am on their side and it gets me in the practice of being the parents advocate when bigger issues arise. 

As I was working on this piece I sought ideas and prospective from parents about this topic using social media.  It was through this “research” that I heard a truly appalling story about a youth worker failing to honor parents.  A parent sent me a personal message sharing that they and their spouse were strongly opposed to “missionary dating” and were unhappy when their teenage child began dating a non-Christian.  My three children may still be young, but I understand and agree with these parents’ stance.  Beyond my personal feelings about their position, it is a biblically sound principle.  This worker, however, did not feel the same way about the situation.  They believed that the parents were anti-evangelism and in the name of evangelism encouraged the child to continue dating the student.  While it is true that the unbeliever was attending youth group while they were dating the youth group student, it still does not justify blatantly undermining the parents.  I am convinced that there was a way to align with the parents’ stance and still continue to encourage the evangelism of an un-churched student.

Empower Parents, Don’t Save Them

The opposite and equally destructive response to undermining parents is trying to “bail them out” whenever they encounter a tough situation involving their child.  Anyone who has been in youth ministry for a while has undoubtedly gotten that phone call from a distressed parent who’s just realized that their “little saint” isn’t so saintly after all.  If you are like me, you will be inclined to try to swoop in and fix things.  Not only is this painfully ineffective, it sends a dangerous message about the roles parents and youth workers play in the faith formation of young people.  Do we really want to send the message to parents and the church at large that a parent’s role is to identify the problem and that the youth worker’s role is to fix it?  Instead, we need to send the message that parents are best equipped to play a primary role in their child’s faith formation and in working through struggles their children are having.  After all, God did choose them to be the parents of this teenager so instead trying to save them, let’s try to equip and empower them instead (For more on this idea see this related blog post:http://shemainitiative.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-shema-initiative-engaging-parents.html)

Equip Parents with Resources

One of the ways that we can empower parents is to connect them with resources that will help them better understand their teenage child.  Youth workers are masters of spotting helpful resources, Christian or otherwise, that create a better understanding of young people.  It really is as simple as passing these newly found resources on to parents.  Great examples include Fuller Youth Institute’s Sticky Faith web site and other resources (http://stickyfaith.org) and Walt Mueller’s Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (http://www.cpyu.org). 

Being the number one supporter of parents will not only win their support, it is a biblical and effective way to usher teenagers into a lifelong relationship with Christ.  History has shown just how ineffective “lone gun” youth ministry is.  If we care about the faith formation of the young people entrusted to us then we truly must be serious about creating a parent empowering youth ministry.  Do we want to empower our students to be lifelong disciples of Jesus?  If so, we better get serious about empowering parents.