Spiritual Care in the Home

Spiritual Care in the Home

Family is essential for the generativity of the Christian faith.  Both scripture (Deuteronomy six and eleven) and research support the notion that family-especially parents-have a responsibility and a major role in the faith formation of children.  What does that look like in the twenty-first century?  Can today’s family still be a primary source of discipleship for one another? Changes within the family and the surrounding culture create challenges to spiritual care in the home.  Today’s churches must assist families in navigating these challenges so they can successfully disciple one another.

Generative Faith: The Shema

One cannot discuss spiritual care in the home before addressing what the Word of God has to say about the subject.  This topic is directly confronted by the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).   Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NLT) states:

⁴ “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. ⁵ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. ⁸ Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.⁹ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

The Shema makes some clear statements.  First, faith in God is to permeate every aspect of ones life.  Second, passing on the faith to the next generation must come in the same manor.  Blanchette states, “Children are not only to be taught for cognitive understanding, but for obedience” (122).  The Shema is requiring parents to, “faithfully immerse their children in the faith” (127).  Following God is to impact all aspects of ones life, this means spiritual care must address all aspects of life, and passing on the faith to children is a process that intersects with everyday life.  To provide spiritual care is to embrace this fact. 

Issues Facing Today’s Family

The New Family Structures

During biblical times the family was much larger than it is today.  In both the early church and in Old Testament times the family core went well beyond parents and children and included extended family (Garland, 2012).  According to Genesis 14:14 (NLT) the bible the men in Abraham’s family numbered at least 318.  The family was “the village” that was needed to raise children.  Immersing a child in faith was a much easier process when the family had built in support for parents.

According to Bennett (1996) the family structure known as the nuclear family took form in America in the early 19^th century.  When “the village” was reduced to father and mother parenting obviously became more challenging.  The entrance of the 1960’s with its carefree lifestyles, as well as increased divorce rates once again brought a changing view of the American family (Anthony, 2011).  These new changes often times resulted in one individual being responsible for all parental duties.  Spiritual care once was the duty of a small army, now that army is one.  The instruction of the Shema has become much more challenging.

Outsourcing of Parental Duties

With the dwindling familial support for parents, it is understandable that our culture has instructed parents to outsource their responsibilities and we shouldn’t be too hard on them for heeding that instruction.  In biblical times families not only educated children about the Jewish and Christian faith, they were responsible for all aspects of life development.  Chap Clark (11) points out that even at the turn of the twentieth century only ten percent of adolescents attended high school.  Today’s school is not only responsible for formal education, but in some cases with providing children three meals a day and with teaching them social graces and life skills.

The American church has been all too eager to take the responsibility of child faith formation away from parents.   According to Oestreicher (2008) youth workers began creating separate environments for young people during the 1970’s that focused on age specific discipleship.  In its most extreme form, families never worship God together.  Children attend the children’s worship service, adolescents attend the youth worship service and adults attend the “normal” worship service.  This often sets the tone, resulting in families that do not directly address faith at home throughout the week. Garland (2012) rightly states, “For congregations to become communities of faith that encourage families to tell their stories of faith means that family members must be together at least some of the time in the life of the congregation” (333).         

In lieu of the Shema, this church centered model of the discipleship of children is unbiblical. In addition, it has also proven itself to be ineffective.  After reviewing numerous studies Clark and Powell (2011) conclude, “As we have examined other research, our conclusion is that 40 to 50 percent of kids who graduate from a church or youth group will fail to stick with their faith in college” (15).

Ministry Context: Rockford united Methodist Church

            At Rockford United Methodist Church (RUMC) we are addressing spiritual care in the home by 1) encouraging parents to take a primary role in the faith formation of their children, and 2) encouraging our adult congregation to fill a familial support role by mentoring children. 

Encouraging Parents

It’s a phone conversation that every veteran youth worker has had.  I had on the other line an upset parent who had some serious concerns about their preteen child.  It was not directly said, but there was an implied hope that I would be able to step in and do something to remedy the situation.  In the past, I would have tried, and probably failed.  Instead I asked this parent about Christian practices in the home.  During this conversation I learned that though this parent, and their spouse, were actively involved in the church's children's ministries, little was being done in their home throughout the week to reinforce their family's walk with God.  I couldn’t help but think that this fact played a role in the struggles they were having with their child, and I told them so.  

            At RUMC we do more than simply put the ball in parents’ courts.  We also work hard to help parents see how important they are to the faith development of their children.  We try to equip parents through classes and by offering them a constant stream of resources.  I check in with this particular parent regularly to see if there is anything I can do to help, and I try to send the message to all the other parents that I am here to support them.

Creating Mentors

            RUMC also tries to support parents by fostering relationships between their and the other adults of our church.  We have made sure that children and youth worship with their families, removing a church service that took place during the Sunday school hour in the process.  We are always looking for other creative ways to get young people and adults together.  We no longer have confirmation separate from adult membership.  We now have intergenerational membership.  This fall we also have an intergenerational bible study involving adults and high school students, including parent-child duos. 

            We want RUMC to fill the support role that the larger family of biblical times would have filled for parents.  Taking a page from Powell and Clark (2011), we are striving to connect every young person to five Christian adults, in addition to parents and church staff.    

We tell our congregation building those relationships might mean volunteering with one of the many children’s and youth programs offered to young people at RUMC.  For others it could mean a less formal way of connecting with our youth.  Perhaps that means building an authentic and ongoing relationship with a young person through proximity.  Maybe a family with children in our church lives in their neighborhood and they offer to babysit the children for free. 

Maybe the family doesn’t live near them but they sit in or near the same pew as them every Sunday and they commit to pray for the children and strike up a conversation with them each week.  It could mean that they find a way to connect with a young person through shared interests.  Perhaps they take a member of the high school golf team golfing or teach a young girl how to knit.  Maybe they pick up a teenager and take them to choir or praise team practice every week.  Whatever it looks like, we want the adults of our church to serve as spiritual aunts, uncles, grandparents and older cousins for the young people of our church.  

Conclusion

Changes within the family and the surrounding culture impact spiritual care in the home.  Churches must aid families in navigating these challenges so that Christian discipleship can take place within the home.  The church must equip parents to take a primary role in the faith formation of their children as outlined in the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).  This means that the family must overcome the challenges that its smaller size brings, as compared to biblical times, and overcome the cultural expectation that it outsource its role to the church. 

References

Anthony, M.J. (2011). The morphing of the Family.  In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (2-20). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

Bennett, W. J. (1996). The Broken Hearth. New York, NY: Double Day.   

 Blanchette, L.M. (2011) Spiritual markers in the life of a child. In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (119-134). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

Clark, C (2011). Hurt 2.0: inside the world of today’s teenager (2^nd Addition). Grand Rapids, MI. Baker Academic.

Garland, D.R. (2012). Family ministry: a comprehensive guide (2^nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.  

Oestreicher, M. (2008). Youth ministry 3.0. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.  

Powell, K.E. & Clark, C. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.