Anthony and Rae (2011) state, “Children’s and youth
ministries today need to run to the aid of parents if they want to care for the
souls of today’s generation…As it does this, it will need to inspire parents to
their God-given role, equip them with tools and resources that will aid in the
effort, and support them in the process” (221).
With this in mind, I asked Eric Ward (Children’s Pastor at Sparta Church
of the Nazarene), Keegen Lenker (Pastor of Intergenerational Discipleship at
Pasadena First Church of the Nazarene) and Matt Deprez (Intergenerational
Pastor at Frontline Church) the following questions:
What have you/are you currently doing to engage parents in
the discipleship process of their children?
What has the result been?
What to you hope to do in the next one to five years to
engage parents in the discipleship process?
What have you/are you currently doing to equip parents to be
involved in the discipleship process of their children?
What has the result been?
What to you hope to do in the next one to five years to
equip parents to be involved in the discipleship process?
What follows are summations of their responses.
E. Ward, Personal
Correspondence, 08/17/2013.
Pastor Ward reported that one thing Sparta Church of the
Nazarene does to engage parents in the faith formation process is to ensure
that the content of the children’s worship service parallel’s the “adult
worship” in content and biblical reference.
Parents are given take home sheets with specific probing questions to
ask. To reinforce this the senior pastor
regularly addressed these questions in his weekly sermons and “charges” the
parents to ask their children these questions from the pulpit. Sparta Church of the Nazarene also has a weekly
family (intergenerational service) that takes place every Sunday evening. Pastor Ward has observed that a modified
children’s service seems to work better in this setting than a modified “adult”
one in engaging the whole family. He
points out that good family movies, like Monster’s
University, are basically disguised as children’s movies. Later this Sparta Church of the Nazarene will
be doing a special event Sunday morning called “Children’s Church Live.” Parents will be observing a children’s
worship service to experience what their children are actually learning in an
effort to engage them in the discipleship process.
Pastor Eric reports that he has had the most success
equipping parents on a one-on-one basis.
He focuses on families that are open to being involved in the faith
development of their children. One way
that he equips these receptive parents is to give books and other resources
directly to them (free of charge). In
the future Eric plans to continue incorporate family ministry “lingo” into the
language of Sparta Church of the Nazarene to open more doors for equipping
parents. An example of this is the
continual use of the phrase “partnering with parents.”
K. Lenker, Personal
Correspondence, 08/17/2013.
Pastor Lenker began by noting his realization that even
curriculum has been an indicator that churches have stopped having faith in the
family’s ability to disciple one another.
The result in his ministry context has been parents who are afraid to
enter the process. Lenker responded by
observing parents and asking intentional questions to figure out what family’s “faith
rhythm’s” looked like, discerning if discipleship was already taking place in
the home in some form.
To begin to engage parents Pastor Lenker has done “pastor
parent” conferences, mimicking parent teacher conferences at schools. He continually shares information telling
parents that parents and the church must “be in this together.” He tries to send a continuous string of
information to parents telling them how important they are to their children’s
faith formation. He currently is using
transition/milestone classes to engage and empower parents in the discipleship
process. For example, High school
seniors and their parents go through a class together as the seniors prepare
for graduation, and Parents of upcoming seventh grade students (junior high)
attend a parent only class in preparation for the child entering the teenage
years. In the future Keegan intends to
educate new staff, that he oversees, on the importance of
transitions/milestones in the faith development of youth and in the equipping
and engaging of parents. He also plans
to identify other milestones that can be used to this end.
Pastor Lenker has also empowered parents by offering
resources for free and sending the clear message “that he believes in them.” Like pastor Ward he uses a one on one approach
to equip parents. Lenker has
specifically attempted to educate parents in the value of being present and
entering into the lives of their children.
He stresses the importance of being honest and vulnerable and that
parents not “make idols of themselves”.
He believes that parents sharing faith stories, especially past
failures, is crucial to the faith development of youth. Lenker shares some stories about a particular
family. A father had shared with him
1)that he felt disconnected from this seventeen year old daughter and 2) his
disappointment in learning that his daughter had been smoking marijuana.
Pastor Lenker asked this father what his daughter liked to
do. “Shop” was his answer. Lenker instructed this father to go shopping
with his daughter. He as to give her $30
and the two of them were to separate, buy a gift for each other and then
discuss why they purchased those gifts over dinner at the food court. As for the marijuana, Lenker asked the father
“have you ever smoked pot?” When the
father admitted he had, Lenker added “don’t you think you daughter should know
that?”
Lenker is convinced that when parents admit their failures
as youth it is not a license for children to make the same mistakes, as many
parents fear. With this conviction in mind, he plans to lead a six to eight
week course later this year that teaches people that their story, their
testimony, has value and needs to be shared.
M. Deprez, Personal
Correspondence, 08/17/2013.
In the process of engaging parents Pastor Deprez believes
that we must ask the question “how much does the teach and parents reinforce
and parents teach and church reinforce.”
With this in mind, Frontline has begun giving parents get discussion
questions to talk about with kids before the church actually does the lesson. Deprez also believes that measurables to
gauge whether or not a church is successfully engaging parents is crucial. One handout that they give parents after the
lesson is to be handed in to the church.
This way they can determine who many families are actually using the
handout at home. Deprez believes
engaging parents hinges on convincing them that they can actually handle discipling
their children. He notes the importance
of “broken record communication” using common language whenever possible. Deprez believes that a church cannot over
communicate and adds that a church should not give up on an attempt too
early. He believes it takes three years
for something to begin to be effective.
To equip families Frontline church has suggested resources
for parents on their website that get updated/changed monthly. Deprez also mentions carrying books that he
gives to families for free. He believes
getting resources in the hands of parents right away is also key. Frontline Church utilizes rightnowmedia.org,
which he describes as Netflix for churches.
Through their subscription all members of the church have digital access
to countess marriage, parenting, children’s, and youth resources.
Pastor Deprez seconds Pastor Lenker’s conviction that making
sure milestones are family based is very important. Parents are required to go to classes for
their child’s milestones (baptism, baby dedication, and faith commitments for
example). Frontline has also recognized
that strengthening marriages is a crucial component to equipping parents. This February there will be Front Line Life
Classes: 13 weeks of topics focusing on Sex, Money, Dating/Marriage and
etc.
Anthony,
M.D. and Kid, R. (2011). Children’s
ministry in the context of the family for spiritual formation. In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M.
(Ed.). A Theology for Family Ministries (206-222). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.
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