“I wanna watch Sweeping Beauty!” the bellow of an adorable
small voice broke the silence. My 2 ½
year old daughter, Sadie, loves all things princess. That means Disney movies, lots and lots of
Disney movies. Normally I would open the
case, pop in the DVD and not think twice, but this time was different. I looked at the cover. Read the title, “Sleeping Beauty,” thought
about similar Disney movies (like “Beauty and the Beast”), and I suddenly a
profound realization. These movies are
actually defining Beauty.
Our teenage daughters have probably lost interest in Disney,
but popular culture’s message to today’s adolescent girls very similar to that
of these children’s movies. According to
these forms of media, beauty is a physical trait. A girl is beautiful if, and only if she looks
a certain way. That means beauty is
objective, to be a beauty you must have these traits. That also means, according to popular culture,
that there are young girls, watchers of these movies, who are not
beautiful.
So what do we do?
Let’s be honest, completely eliminating interaction popular culture practical option. So what is?
I truly believe that involved parents can have a huge impact on their
daughters’ understanding of beauty; I even think we can beat out “Sweeping
Beauty.”
Parents can help their daughters develop a healthy
self-esteem and understanding of Beauty by:
1. Be a comparison
free household. Never, and I mean
never, let your children catch you comparing yourself or your spouse to a
celebrity, or anyone else. Even when
meant to be a complement the message is the same “Beauty = looking like Hugh
Jackman (or some other hunk).” If your
child doesn’t feel that they look like said person, they won’t feel
attractive. Even when comparisons have
nothing to do with looks, like “why can’t you behave like little Billy” you are
still setting a precedent, you are opening the door for comparison, you are
stating that they have to be good enough, to be accepted.
2.
Model a
healthy understanding of beauty. I
have witnessed parents being poor examples of this. I mean, I’ve seen it all; middle aged women
dressing like their daughters, mothers fathers belittling their looks in front
of their children, fathers making comments about someone who is not
“attractive” in the traditional sense, mothers hanging out at the beach
alongside their adolescent daughters in barely there swimwear-showing off “the
work they had done.” Do the delight of
their husbands. Most of us would not be
this blatant in our poor examples, but we must remember, for good or for bad we
will be modeling an understanding concerning the topic of beauty, whether we
realize it or not.
3.
Play the
role of “Prince Charming” by communicating an unconditional beauty. I believe that a biblical understanding of
beauty, like love, is that it is unconditional.
Make a point to talk about an as individual being a beautiful person to
your children, and then describe nonphysical traits about them. Constantly tell your children how beautiful
and wonderful they are. Make a point to
occasionally list beautiful things about them that have nothing to do with physical
traits.
4.
Have conversations
with your children about what “the world” says about beauty. The world around our children is saying
that “beauty is only skin deep” but it still really matters. What’s worst, young women who are deemed
“beautiful” are instructed to self-objectify themselves in order to use their
beauty to get ahead. It’s a lose/lose
scenario. The bible, in contrast, says
that our children are “wonderfully made” (Psalms 119:14) and that “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see
them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Whenever we witness our child being bombarded
with a distorted view of beauty it as an opportunity to have a quick
conversation about God’s take on beauty.
Parents can’t completely shelter children
from Pop-culture and its beauty message, but the situation is not
hopeless. Parents can teach their
children the latter by avoiding comparisons, by modeling a healthy
understanding of beauty, and by communicating an unconditional beauty. I am committed to communicating to my
children that they are beautiful, no matter what. Parents, will you commit to do the same?
