A Dirty Christmas

¹⁴ Because God's children are human beings -- made of flesh and blood -- Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death. ¹⁵ Only in this way could he deliver those who have lived all their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. ¹⁶ We all know that Jesus came to help the descendants of Abraham, not to help the angels. ¹⁷ Therefore, it was necessary for Jesus to be in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. He then could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. ¹⁸ Since he himself has gone through suffering and temptation, he is able to help us when we are being tempted.

It’s too easy for us to overlook the significance that Jesus was born in a barn and laid in a manger, because there was no room for him in the inn.  That’s the unvarnished truth of Christmas.

Dirt, manure, terrible smells, these aren’t the things we usually associate with the Presence of God.  But Christmas announces to us that this is the kind of God we have.  It’s the dirt of Christmas that helps us understand just how great God is!!!

The author of Hebrews reminds us, “In bringing many [children] to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.”

Christmas is about pain.  A woman gave birth that night.  Christmas is about God leaving heaven and coming down to be with us in the midst of our dirt!

Who of us would set aside our power and privilege and enter this world in the midst of the dirt and stench of a barn?

But God did.
And that is Good News!!!  That is the best news imaginable!!!

For with this knowledge we can know that we have a God Who loves us beyond comprehension.

Jesus suffered for our salvation!  Wow!

God “shared in” our “humanity”…Jesus was “made” like us “in every way”, and “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being temped.”

In Christ’s all too ordinary birth in Bethlehem we meet God, not in some terrible and frightening holiness that makes us sinners shake in our boots but in His loving and merciful holiness, which is God’s true holiness!!!

Christmas and Culture

¹⁹ Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. ²⁰ When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the Jews to Christ. When I was with those who follow the Jewish law, I too lived under that law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. ²¹ When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law,^[d] I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ. ²² When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. ²³ I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings. – 1 Corinthians 9:19-23

I recently got myself into a little bit of trouble for bashing Santa Claus…with a microphone in my hand.  I didn’t destroy the dreams of a mob of children by revealing to them that Santa isn’t real.  I’m not that crazy.  I simply bemoaned the fact that our communities Christmas parade is called the Santa Parade.  I may have actually said something like “we are not a big fan of Santa.”  Here’s the thing, the mom could get over my comment, but she was genuinely concerned that the church planned to destroy her son’s belief in Santa Claus.  Interesting isn’t it…I wonder if she is that concerned about whether or not the public school is going to destroy his belief in Jesus Christ, but I digress. 

Besides the obvious lesson, plan out carefully what you are going to say before you grab a hot mic, there is much more at play in this scenario.  A couple of months prior a member of are Christian Education committee expressed displeasure with our church’s participation in Halloween festivities (handing out candy the day of and throwing a trunk-or-treat the Wednesday before).  This is more than just can’t win scenario.  Two sides are at play here.  How is the church deal with the non-Christian customs of our culture?  This question really comes to a head at Christmas. 

I get just as upset at the competition Christ’s birth gets as the next Christian.  In spite of that, I need to remember that culture has always had an impact on the Christian Faith, and as our culture changes, so will the “average American Christian.”  I’m not saying that everything is fair game, but I am saying that much of what we hold dear is more cultural than Christian Core.  I am also saying that a combatant attitude never gets us anywhere.  I think the key is to bring Christ into culture more than it is to stand against culture. 

With this in mind, A Chrsitmas prayer:

“Holy LORD,

We come with joy to celebrate the birth of your son, who rescued us from the darkness of sin by making the cross a tree of life and light.  May our Christmas tree arrayed in splender remind us of the life-giving cross of Christ that we may always rejoice in the new life that shines in our hearts.  We ask this through Christ, our LORD.  Amen” - Unknown

Gained Perspective: Helping the Young Samuels of the World

⁸ A third time the LORD called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. ⁹ So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place. – 1 Samuel 3: 8 and 9

Young Samuel, like so many of the young people that we encounter on a daily basis lacked perspective.  He did not have the previous experience to know what was going on.  It was up to Eli to give Samuel the perspective he needed, and once he did, some amazing things happened!  Adults can play the role of Eli by:

1)      Listening instead of Dismissing

At first Eli didn’t really know what was going on and without knowing what was really going on in Samuel’s life he dismissed Samuel’s experience, telling him to go back to sleep.  It wasn’t until Eli knew what was going on, until he truly listened to Samuel’s sharing of his experience that he was able to give helpful and authentic instruction.  I believe there is a subtle difference between lecturing and faithful instruction, and the difference is authentic listening. 

2)      Asking Questions instead of Lecturing

I can’t help but wonder how much faster Eli would have figured things out if he had asked a question or two before dismissing Samuel.  Asking questions is a great way to get us in the right mindset to really listen to young people.  In addition, asking questions, unlike lecturing, can be effective way to steer young people in the right direction.  Powell and Clark (2011) rightly point out, “Parents lecturing kids hasn’t worked…Picture you and your child talking about premarital sex.  Does your child know what you think about it?  Does your child know what you would want to say about it?  Odds are good that the answer to both is yes” (77-78).   Our communication with children needs to help them come to their own understanding of what Christ would have them do, not force our views down their throats.  

3)      Sharing Personal Faith Stories

Samuel had never heard the LORD speak before.  It was something that Eli had encountered prevously.  Eli’s past experience allowed him to interpret what was going on in Samuel’s life.  Young people today still need the experience of others to interpret what is going on in their own lives.  This is especially true during times of doubt, and during times when young people feel that God has let them down.  We tend to doubt God’s faithfulness when we lose sight of how He has been faithful in the past.  Sharing the stories of the bible is an obvious and powerful way to remind young people of God’s faithfulness, but it is equally important for young people to hear personal stories of God’s faithfulness from the adults around them.  Sadly, most young people have never heard the salvation stories and other personal stories of God’s faithfulness from parents and other caring adults. 

Adults are right to believe that young people need their wisdom to gain perspective.  The problem is, adults tend to go about sharing that wisdom the wrong way.  By listening instead of dismissing, asking questions instead of lecturing, and sharing their personal faith stories adults can help young people gain perspective about how God is working in their lives, just as Eli helped young Samuel realize his call to follow God. 

Powell, K.E. & Clark, C. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. 

Brief Thoughts on the Future of The United Methodist Church

When askes about the origins of Methodism and what priorities in the movement are crucial for the future people will undoubtedly place president on things like pluralism (room for diversity in theology and doctrine), connectionalism, women and minorities’ place in ministry, social action, and Christian perfection (sanctification).  While all of these priorities are crucial to the history of the Methodist movement, I believe the key to it's vitality in the future might hinge on an entirely different priority.

Gonzalez (2001) reports, “When the bishop of Bristol tried to limit his (John Wesley’s) activity, telling him that his itinerant preaching perturbed the order of the parishes, Wesley responded, ‘The world is my parish.’  This belief and its impact on the way ministry was done in the early Methodist movement was a major factor in its success.  The substantial growth of early Methodism in Great Britain is due in part to uniquely responding to new needs brought about by the Industrial revolution (Gonzalez, 2001).  Likewise, Asbury’s unique response to frontier settling led to the quick spread of the Methodist movement in colonial America.  An uncanny knack for meeting needs largely ignored by other religious institutions is what birthed The Methodist movement and led to the forming of the United Methodist Church.  Considering the declining participation in today’s Western world United Methodist church, this is a lost art that must be mastered again, if The United Methodist Church is going to continue to be a powerful force for the Kingdom of God.

Gonzalez, G.L. (2001). The story of Christianity: The early church to present day. 2^nd edition. Peabody, MA: Prince Press.

Cultural Tool Kits and the Obstacles to Racial Integration

Barnes (2005), Lincoln and Mamiya (1990), and Emerson and Smith (2000) all point out that segregation of communities and churches were originally imposed on blacks by whites, either legally, or forcibly in some other manor.  While it is true that many mainline black denominations initiated the splitting off from white counterparts it was generally in response to mistreatment and there was little resistance from the white denominations (Lincoln and Mamiya, 2000).  The results are clear, according to Emerson and Smith (2000), “The United States is indeed a racialized society, always was in the past, and in many respects is becoming more so” (17).  While the church should be the champion bridging the racial divide, it has, with few exceptions, perpetuated the problem. 

Black Church Cultural Tools

By in large, the Black church has responded to this racialized society with Creation of its own separate society (Emerson and Smith, 2000).  The church has often played in leading role in this development.  The Black church has use of symbols to giving meaning to this separate existence as well as past hardships (Barnes, 2005).  In essence the black society has looked to the church to find meaning and strength.  The black church has also been a driving force for cultural change (Barnes, 2005; Lincoln and Mamiya, 2000).  Whether the focus be racial equality or improvements within black society the black church has traditionally been at the center of the activity.

White Evangelical Church Cultural Tools

As previously stated the White church has either directly or indirectly (by failing to see their black Christian counterparts as their brothers and sisters in Christ) contributed to the formation of segregated faith communities, just as white society is responsible for the formation of the United States racialized society (Emerson and Smith, 2000).  Though the Jim Crow laws were overturned long ago, segregation is still very much a part of the United States landscape.  White society continues to create of mono-cultural environments (Emerson and Smith, 2000).  The white church mirrors society in this respect.  The United States does not legally require that the black community be separate from the white community but it expects that white people with means will chose (either subconsciously or intentionally) to use their economic standing to figuratively and literally separate themselves from the black community (Emerson and Smith, 2000).  The white church has followed suite, setting up shop in the middle of these mono-cultural communities.  The white church has responded to this situation with ignorance.  White Christians tend to ignore the cultural segregation altogether (Emerson and Smith, 2000).  

My Cultural Tools

I must confess that I am guilty of living a segregated life.  I live in a white suburb.  I was actually surprised to come across a black homeowner in our community while taking my children trick-or-treating on Halloween.  Rockford, Michigan, where I live and minister, is a poster child for the “great white flight.”  What little racial integration we have is in the safe “token black person” form.   I have attempted to combat this by intentionally creating cross cultural experiences.  This something I try to do with my family as well as myself by purposely expose my family to cultural diversity.  I resently started a traditional where my oldest son and I participate in a monthlydinner our church youth group puts on at a urban denominational community center.  Livermore (2009) points out the downsides of cross cultural experiences being one sided service, but I figure I need to start somewhere.  

Barnes, S. (2005). Black church culture and community action.  Social Forces, vol 84. Retrieved from httml: http://tinyurl.com/9hpv9gq.  

Emerson, M. (2000). Divided by faith. New York, NY: Oxford Press.

Lincoln, E.C. and Mamiya, L.H. (1990). The black church in African American experience. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.

Livemore, D.A. (2009). Cultural intelligence: Improving your CQ to engage our multicultural world. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic.

A Theology of Hospitality

Pohl (1999) notes, “The distinctive quality of Christian hospitality is that it offers a generous welcome to the ‘least,’ without concern for advantage or benefit to the host” (16).    In Mark 12:31 Jesus tells his followers that the second great commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.  In Luke chapter ten, when asked to clarify who is ones neighbor, Jesus tells a story (parable) that makes the cultural outcast of his day, a Samaritan, the hero.   In doing this, Jesus states everyone that we encounter, including the outcast, is our neighbor.

Deuteronomy 14:28-29 instructed the Israelites.  Once every three years the people tithed their resources to support the widows, orphans and aliens.  Exodus 22:21, Leviticus 19:34 and Deuteronomy 10: 9-10 state that there is a social responsibility to treat “the alien” hospitably.  We are all cultural outsiders at some point and we need to be loving and so we must be empathetic to the Other. 

 

13:2 stresses the importance of hospitality because the hospital has unknowingly “entertained angels.”  This was exactly the case with Abraham and Lot in Genesis 18 and 19.  When this is coupled with Jesus teaching through the Parable of the sheep and the goats it is clear that Christians must make hospitality a high priority. 

Personally, identifying Christ and angels with the “least of these” changes the way I help the Other.  One marginalized group that I regular encounter is the homeless community.  My practice, when possible is to purchase food or other supplies when I encounter a homeless panhandler, rather than give money.  I believe my approach is valid, but I find myself convicted about my attitude and approach as I encounter the other in this situation.  If I see Jesus in this person, my superiority complex melts away.

Pohl, C.D. (1999). Making room: Recovering hospitality as a Christian tradition. Grand Rapids MI: Erdmans Publishing Company.  

Cultural Diversity Among the Different Generations

My co-worker and friend Michael Walden describes the suburban city we live in as “Lily-white Rockford.”  The culture of our congregation at Rockford United Methodist Church (RUMC) definitely mirrors the community around it.  

Being a Caucasian faith community does not make RUMC a mono-cultural faith community.  Livemore (2009) points out, “And few issues are challenging the pastors with whom I speak throughout the United States as much as that of how to deal with the passionate differences between the generational cultures within their churches…The challenges created by the cultural differences among various generational groups can equal some of those created by various socioethnic groups” (29).  Livemore (2009) uses the popular generational categories of Builders/Traditionalists – born before 1946, Boomers – born 1946 to 1965, Gen Xers – born 1965 to 1979, and Millennials – born 1980 or later (104-105). 

RUMC, like most congregations that are over 160 years old, has more than its fair share Builders.  It also has a large group of Boomers, Gen Xers, and Millenials.  In my three year tenure at RUMC I have witnessed numerous conflicts that were driven my cultural differences between the various generations. 

The Danger of the Single Story and Generational Diversity

Adichie (2009) states, “The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete.  They make one story become the only story.”  Livemore (2009) tells a story of Gen Ex pastor who described the the Boomer’s at his church this way, “They’re lifeless.  They just go through the motions, following the order of service, waiting for the service to get out so they can get on with their lives” (168).  I have heard similar remarks concerning the many Builders who attend our traditional service.  Likewise, I have heard comments about how the younger generations and their contemporary worship style are disrespectful.

Single stories abound when generations critique each other.  I believe the discrimination among the ages is a huge problem partly because age discrimination is seldom recognized and addressed in our society.  Churches regularly create events solely for specific generations and the community never bats an eyelash.  The backlash for doing something similar based on ethnicity would make news headlines.  

A lack of empathy and a failure to see the differing views of people of different ages as cultural diversity is the biggest challenge facing RUMC today.  Many of our congregants allow a negative feeling about one aspect of a different generational to define the Other.  Learning to recognize the cultural diversity between the generations and learning to empathize with the Other are key beginning steps towards Cultural Intelligence, and more importantly, towards loving unity in Christ.

Adichie, C.N. (November 2009). Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story. [Video file]. Retrieved from http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html

Livemore, D.A. (2009). Cultural intelligence: Improving your CQ to engage our multicultural world. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic.

The New Birth

John3:1-17

Before we read today’s second scripture lesson I have a pop quiz for you all, after all I am an educator.  Raise your hand if you can recite John 3:16.  Ok, a little trickier, who can recite John 3:16 and 17?  Do I have a volunteer who will recite John 3:16 and 17 right now?

Ok, now raise your hand if you can tell me who Jesus was talking to in John 3?  Go ahead and shout it out.  It’s interesting isn’t it, for as famous a verse as John 3:16 is, so few of us knows anything about its context.  That’s what we are going to look at today.

Reading John 3:1-10 (NLT)

Please Join me in the Reading of God’s Word

¹ There was a man named Nicodemus, a Jewish religious leader who was a Pharisee.² After dark one evening, he came to speak with Jesus. “Rabbi,” he said, “we all know that God has sent you to teach us. Your miraculous signs are evidence that God is with you.”³ Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.”⁴ “What do you mean?” exclaimed Nicodemus. “How can an old man go back into his mother’s womb and be born again?”⁵ Jesus replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without
being born of water and the Spirit. ⁶ Humans can reproduce only human life, but the Holy Spirit gives birth to spiritual life. ⁷ So don’t be surprised when I say, ‘You must be born again.’⁸ The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.”⁹ “How are these things possible?” Nicodemus asked.¹⁰ Jesus replied, “You are a respected Jewish teacher, and yet you don’t understand these things?

Join me in Prayer

Reading of John 3:11-17 (NLT)

Please Join me in the Reading of God’s Word

¹¹ I assure you, we tell you what we know and have seen, and yet you won’t believe our testimony.¹² But if you don’t believe me when I tell you about earthly things, how can you possibly believe if I tell you about heavenly things?¹³ No one has ever gone to heaven and returned. But the Son of Man has come down from heaven.¹⁴ And as Moses lifted up the bronze snake on a pole in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, ¹⁵ so that everyone who believes in him will have eternal life. ¹⁶ “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.¹⁷ God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

Join me in Prayer

Boxes

I have in my hand a box.  It’s not just any normal box, as you can see. It is wrapped up all nice and neat with this beautiful festive paper.  Its creases are smooth; its decorative paper is beautiful.  As you can probably figure out, I did not wrap this box.  I had my wife wrap it for me.  If I had wrapped it, it would not look nearly as nice.  Its creases would be crooked and messy; the paper would not be nearly as pretty.  I would probably use the old sports section from the Grand Rapids press.

There is something you need to know about this pretty box.  If you were to get this box for Christmas you would be disappointed.  You see, if you open it up, you’ll find that it’s empty inside.  I think many of us are like this pretty box, we are so busy trying to look like we have it all together that we don’t address the fact that we are empty inside.  If we are honest with God, others and ourselves, our lives are a little more like a disheveled box, like one I would wrap.

Wesley Pt 1

There is a story, a true story, of an overzealous young minister.  He was considered a “whiz kid” setting himself apart with both his studies and conduct during his seminary years. 

His first appointment was an international mission.  During the trip to his over sees appointment turbulent weather made this young man realize his lack of faith, and his fear of death, which didn’t seem consistent with the concept of Salvation.  To make matters even worse, this young man’s time as a missionary was a complete failure which came to a head after he refused communion to a women he had unsuccessfully courted. 

Confused and bitter, this former “whiz kid” now doubted that he had true salvation and if not for a mentor who told him to preach salvation until he had obtained it, he would have left ministry all together.

Nicodemus

But let’s return to John chapter 3.  When we think John 3:16 and 17 we usually use it as a slogan of sorts for the lost.  We see it on signs and billboards, on t-shirts and bumper stickers.  These verses are often used in Evangelism, and that is a good thing.  But we have to understand something about Nicodemus; he was not a religious outsider.

Nicodemus was definitely one of the who’s who of the Jewish world.  Only the brightest pupils would have been allowed to become Pharisees.  And the Greek word translated as religious leader might actually have meant that Nicodemus was part of the Jewish ruling council.  In any event Nicodemus was some sort of Jewish official.  He was the “best of the best”.  We can safely assume that Nicodemus probably had the whole Jewish Bible, our Old Testament, memorized.

Despite all this, Nicodemus was empty.  He needed something more than what his religious status could bring him.  I think many of us might be able to relate to Nicodemus, I know I can.  We possess the religious knowledge, we can tell someone all about what it “means to be a Christian”, but we still need something more.  We look nice and neat, but inside we are empty, like that pretty box over there. 

Being Real

That is what brought Nicodemus to see Jesus.  Nicodemus is sometimes given a hard time for going to see Jesus at night, but it was still a big step for Nicodemus.  In coming to earnestly talk to Jesus, Nicodemus was admitting that he didn’t have it all together.  Personally, I admire his courage. 

There are a lot of possible reasons why Nicodemus didn’t come to Jesus during the day.  Maybe the only time to catch Jesus without a crowd was at night.  We see throughout scripture that Jesus was often times surrounded by a crowd.  Maybe he would be risking his position and perhaps even his life to genuinely talk to Jesus.  The official stance of the Pharisees appeared to be one of disapproval when it came to Jesus and his teachings.  Perhaps Nicodemus thought Jesus would not receive him if he came by day, you might recall that in scripture, when Pharisees or other religious leaders come to Jesus during the day, they are trying to trap him.  Maybe he thought Jesus would be suspicious.  Whatever the reason, Nicodemus does come, he decides to be real, to admit that he doesn’t have it all figured out. 

Born Again

Nicodemus is confused when Jesus cuts straight through the chit chat and tells him that he must be born again in verse 3.  It’s easy to judge Nicodemus for missing the metaphor, but we need to realize how radical being born again is, even if it is metaphorical.  I mean, wouldn’t it be just as impossible for a person to be reborn morally and spiritually?  How can we wipe out our life’s experiences, all our bad habits? 

Here we have to realize that we are not talking about an improved continuation of the old ways, the old religious practices, the old will power and moral code.  Rebirth means starting from scratch, being made anew.  This is new life given by God himself, through the Spirit.  There is a new order of being, as part of the Kingdom of God. 

Nicodemus, the Conclusion

So does Nicodemus ever figure it out?  This story doesn’t say but in John 19:39 and 40 we learn that Nicodemus is with Joseph of Arimathea when he asks for Jesus body after the crucifixion and that he helps Joseph prepare Jesus’ body for burial. 

Another pop quiz!  Who can tell me what happens to a Jew if they touch a dead body? (unclean).  And what does it mean if a Jew is unclean? (Cannot enter the temple for 7 days). More than likely, Nicodemus was not able to perform many of his religious duties for 7 days because he prepared Jesus’ body for burial.  Nicodemus no longer seemed to be worried about his social and religious status, did he?  It is my belief that Nicodemus did figure it out, that he was a new creation, a new baby. 

    

So What Now?

So what now?  What do us Christ followers who still feel like empty boxes do? 

Wesley Pt 2

To answer this, let’s explore the rest of the story of the former “whiz kid” turned giant failure.  What steps did this young man take to change his situation?  The answer is nothing, except maybe to get out of the way. 

While at a church service, which he reluctantly attended, by the way, the man experienced a new found peace, which he referred to as his heart being “strangely warmed.”  He felt a change, a change that God worked in his heart through faith in Christ.  He felt a renewing, he was born again.  This event is known today as the Aldersgate experience, and this young man was John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement, our forefather.   

The Curse is Lifted

Measuring up is the old way of life, a life that leads to failure, to death.  We have to let go of that to be born again.  We need to stop worrying about being judged and allow ourselves to be saved, to be born again.  I am convinced God will not transform us into a new creation if we hang on to the idea that we have to keep our wrapping paper nice and neat.  The old and the new cannot mix.  We have to let that go if we are to be born again.  We have to get out of the way and let God bring about a change in our hearts. 

Sometimes this is a daily matter.  There is a constant temptation to return to the old way of life, to the way of the law, to the way of measuring up.  When we give into this temptation we are no longer living as one who is born again.  We are setting ourselves up for failure.  We cannot possibly measure up; we cannot possibly be good enough. 

I’ve been there; I can relate to Nicodemus, I understand completely what John Wesley went through.  I’ve been labeled the “whiz kid”, the spiritual “golden boy” and when I tried to live up to the hype it’s ended very badly for me.  You know, I am glad so many people here at RUMC approve of the ministry I’m leading as the Director of Christian Education, but I don’t want to be your “golden boy.” When I try to measure up, I’m nothing more than a scared, short tempered, insecure little boy, who falls short as a husband, a father and an education director.  When I worry about being good enough, I’m not.  You are not either.  How can we possibly be good enough?   But, when I realize that I am not good enough, and that through Christ, that’s ok.  When I get out of the way and let go of the old way, then, through faith, through Jesus, I am born again, a completely new creation.  

I’m wondering today, will you join me, will you get out of the way and let God’s only son Jesus, make you a new creation? 

Join me in Prayer

Supporting Parents: Church as Clan

I am convinced that family ministry approaches that place the responsibility of discipling children and youth solely on the shoulders of youth do not work because they do not do enough to support parents.   I believe that today’s family, even the ideal nuclear family, is incomplete compared to the family structure prevalent during biblical times.  Garland (2012) states, “The structure of the ‘traditional family’ – breadwinning father and homemaker mother and their dependent children- has not been the historical reality for more than 5% of the history of Christianity” (p. 40).  Bennett (2001) observes, “In ancient Israel, as in most other ancient societies, the family was multigenerational and resembled nothing so much as a small village, the average household, for example, numbered somewhere between fifty and one hundred people” (46). 

When Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs parents to “Impress them (God’s commands) on your children” (NIV), it does so knowing that grandparents, aunts, uncles, adult siblings, and household servants would assist in the process.  For this reason, I believe it is unfair to expect parents at RUMC to live out that instruction without active help from the church.  RUMC has to fill the role that they family clan would have filled in ancient times.  That is why age specific ministries for children and youth, prevalent in the family-based model, are still necessary. 

Limiting the ministries and programs do need to be limited to allow for intergenerational opportunities is equally as important.  Intergenerational experiences not only foster faith interaction between parents and children, they create opportunities for children to be connected with caring adults from the congregation.  It is not enough for a youth worker and key volunteers to represent the sum of the adult support in families’ lives.  Powell, Griffin and Crawford pose, “What if instead of talking about one adult for every five (or seven) kids involved, we said we want a 5:1 adult-to-kid ratio in our youth ministries…I’m talking about five adults who are willing to commit to invest in one teenager in little, medium, and big ways” (79).  Intergenerational opportunities make room for these relationships to happen.  

Bennett, W. J. (2001). The Broken Hearth. New York, NY: Double Day.   

Garland, D.R. (2012). Family ministry: a comprehensive guide (2^nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.  

Powell, K.E. & Griffen, B.M and Crawford, C.A. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. 

Exploring 3 Family Ministry Models

In Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views Jones (2009) describes three models for many Ministry.  These models are Family-Based, Family-Equipping and Family-Integrated.  Before I explore these three models I have general criticism concerning this resource.  I am troubled that all three examples to showcase the models are from the same denomination (Baptist) and geographic region (Tennessee, Kentucky and Texas).  There is an assumed agreement on many issues in this book that is simply not the case in different denominations and different parts of the country. 

Family-Integrated Ministry

This assumed agreement is most clearly seen in Renfro’s (2009) explanation of the Family Integrated Model.  According to Jones (2009) this model is, “by far the most radical model.  In a family integrated church, all age-graded classes and events are eliminated…In a family integrated congregation, each scripturally ordered household is a building lock; together these building blocks constitute the local church” (42-43).  Renfro (2009) describes his ministry context as a family integrated church.  He notes that Grace Family Baptist Church was planted as a family integrated church.  It is my opinion that the family integrated approach is only a realistic option in such cases.  Renfro (2009) goes on to describe a rather archaic model for discipleship and discipline that this church teaches its families.  This is where the trouble really begins in my eyes.  Even if an existing church could transition into a family integrated church without completely falling apart, as a minister of a church in a denomination that allows for and encourages female pastors, district superintendents and bishops, stating that men are the sole spiritual heads of the household may not fly.  Likewise, there are many families in my context that would never consider corporal punishment as a discipline tool in their household.   For all these reasons I find the Family integrated model to be an unrealistic.

Family-Based Ministry

According to Jones (2009), “In the family-based ministry model, no radical changes occur in the church’s internal structure.  The congregation still maintains youth ministry, children’s ministry, singles ministry, and so on…Yet each ministry sponsors events and learning experiences that are intentionally designed to draw generations together” (43.)  According to Shields (2009) a major benefit of this approach is, “Family-based ministry supports Christian families where they exist, while at the same time, aggressively and intentionally engaging non-Christian families with the transforming message of Christ” (98).  The family-based model does seem to have the best of both worlds.  Still, both Renfro and Strother (2009) raise concerns that this ministry model may not do enough to engage parents and may add more chaos to the already too busy lives of the churches families.  I believe that the effectiveness of this model hinges first, on how constant the flow of communication and parenting resources is that comes to families from the church, and second, on whether or not a church scales back the number of age segregated programs and activities to make room for intergenerational events and programs.  

Family-Equipping Ministry

In describing the family-equipping ministry model Jones (2009) states, “In this model, many semblances of age-organized ministry remain intact…Yes church leaders play every ministry to champion the place of parents as primary disciple-makers in their children’s lives, asking, ‘What is best for families?’ at every level of the church’s ministry…family-equipping ministry reworks the church’s entire structure to call parents to disciple their children at every level of the church’s work” (43-44).  Strother (2009) adds “family equipping congregations do not believe it is enough merely to tweak or refocus exisiting youth and children’s programs” (144).  The major roadblock I see in this model is acknowledged by Strother (2009), “The family-equipping model requires years to take root and permeate every level of church life” (164).  Perhaps the answer is to be a family-based congregation moving ever slowly in the direction of a family-equipping church.    

Jones, T. P. (Ed.). (2009). Perspectives on family ministry: 3 views. Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing Group.  

Three Perspectives on Family Ministry

Anthony and Rae (2011) state, “Children’s and youth ministries today need to run to the aid of parents if they want to care for the souls of today’s generation…As it does this, it will need to inspire parents to their God-given role, equip them with tools and resources that will aid in the effort, and support them in the process” (221).  With this in mind, I asked Eric Ward (Children’s Pastor at Sparta Church of the Nazarene), Keegen Lenker (Pastor of Intergenerational Discipleship at Pasadena First Church of the Nazarene) and Matt Deprez (Intergenerational Pastor at Frontline Church) the following questions:

What have you/are you currently doing to engage parents in the discipleship process of their children?

What has the result been?

What to you hope to do in the next one to five years to engage parents in the discipleship process?

What have you/are you currently doing to equip parents to be involved in the discipleship process of their children?

What has the result been?

What to you hope to do in the next one to five years to equip parents to be involved in the discipleship process?

What follows are summations of their responses. 

E. Ward, Personal Correspondence, 08/17/2013.

Pastor Ward reported that one thing Sparta Church of the Nazarene does to engage parents in the faith formation process is to ensure that the content of the children’s worship service parallel’s the “adult worship” in content and biblical reference.  Parents are given take home sheets with specific probing questions to ask.  To reinforce this the senior pastor regularly addressed these questions in his weekly sermons and “charges” the parents to ask their children these questions from the pulpit.  Sparta Church of the Nazarene also has a weekly family (intergenerational service) that takes place every Sunday evening.  Pastor Ward has observed that a modified children’s service seems to work better in this setting than a modified “adult” one in engaging the whole family.  He points out that good family movies, like Monster’s University, are basically disguised as children’s movies.  Later this Sparta Church of the Nazarene will be doing a special event Sunday morning called “Children’s Church Live.”  Parents will be observing a children’s worship service to experience what their children are actually learning in an effort to engage them in the discipleship process.

Pastor Eric reports that he has had the most success equipping parents on a one-on-one basis.  He focuses on families that are open to being involved in the faith development of their children.  One way that he equips these receptive parents is to give books and other resources directly to them (free of charge).  In the future Eric plans to continue incorporate family ministry “lingo” into the language of Sparta Church of the Nazarene to open more doors for equipping parents.  An example of this is the continual use of the phrase “partnering with parents.” 

K. Lenker, Personal Correspondence, 08/17/2013.

Pastor Lenker began by noting his realization that even curriculum has been an indicator that churches have stopped having faith in the family’s ability to disciple one another.  The result in his ministry context has been parents who are afraid to enter the process.  Lenker responded by observing parents and asking intentional questions to figure out what family’s “faith rhythm’s” looked like, discerning if discipleship was already taking place in the home in some form. 

To begin to engage parents Pastor Lenker has done “pastor parent” conferences, mimicking parent teacher conferences at schools.  He continually shares information telling parents that parents and the church must “be in this together.”  He tries to send a continuous string of information to parents telling them how important they are to their children’s faith formation.  He currently is using transition/milestone classes to engage and empower parents in the discipleship process.  For example, High school seniors and their parents go through a class together as the seniors prepare for graduation, and Parents of upcoming seventh grade students (junior high) attend a parent only class in preparation for the child entering the teenage years.  In the future Keegan intends to educate new staff, that he oversees, on the importance of transitions/milestones in the faith development of youth and in the equipping and engaging of parents.  He also plans to identify other milestones that can be used to this end.

Pastor Lenker has also empowered parents by offering resources for free and sending the clear message “that he believes in them.”  Like pastor Ward he uses a one on one approach to equip parents.  Lenker has specifically attempted to educate parents in the value of being present and entering into the lives of their children.  He stresses the importance of being honest and vulnerable and that parents not “make idols of themselves”.  He believes that parents sharing faith stories, especially past failures, is crucial to the faith development of youth.  Lenker shares some stories about a particular family.  A father had shared with him 1)that he felt disconnected from this seventeen year old daughter and 2) his disappointment in learning that his daughter had been smoking marijuana. 

Pastor Lenker asked this father what his daughter liked to do.  “Shop” was his answer.  Lenker instructed this father to go shopping with his daughter.  He as to give her $30 and the two of them were to separate, buy a gift for each other and then discuss why they purchased those gifts over dinner at the food court.  As for the marijuana, Lenker asked the father “have you ever smoked pot?”  When the father admitted he had, Lenker added “don’t you think you daughter should know that?” 

Lenker is convinced that when parents admit their failures as youth it is not a license for children to make the same mistakes, as many parents fear. With this conviction in mind, he plans to lead a six to eight week course later this year that teaches people that their story, their testimony, has value and needs to be shared. 

M. Deprez, Personal Correspondence, 08/17/2013.

In the process of engaging parents Pastor Deprez believes that we must ask the question “how much does the teach and parents reinforce and parents teach and church reinforce.”  With this in mind, Frontline has begun giving parents get discussion questions to talk about with kids before the church actually does the lesson.   Deprez also believes that measurables to gauge whether or not a church is successfully engaging parents is crucial.  One handout that they give parents after the lesson is to be handed in to the church.  This way they can determine who many families are actually using the handout at home.  Deprez believes engaging parents hinges on convincing them that they can actually handle discipling their children.  He notes the importance of “broken record communication” using common language whenever possible.  Deprez believes that a church cannot over communicate and adds that a church should not give up on an attempt too early.  He believes it takes three years for something to begin to be effective.

To equip families Frontline church has suggested resources for parents on their website that get updated/changed monthly.  Deprez also mentions carrying books that he gives to families for free.  He believes getting resources in the hands of parents right away is also key.  Frontline Church utilizes rightnowmedia.org, which he describes as Netflix for churches.  Through their subscription all members of the church have digital access to countess marriage, parenting, children’s, and youth resources.   

Pastor Deprez seconds Pastor Lenker’s conviction that making sure milestones are family based is very important.  Parents are required to go to classes for their child’s milestones (baptism, baby dedication, and faith commitments for example).  Frontline has also recognized that strengthening marriages is a crucial component to equipping parents.  This February there will be Front Line Life Classes: 13 weeks of topics focusing on Sex, Money, Dating/Marriage and etc.    

Anthony, M.D. and Kid, R. (2011). Children’s ministry in the context of the family for spiritual formation.  In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (206-222). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

6 Communication Strategies for Families

1.       Learn to Listen and Ask Questions, Not Lecture

Powell, K.E. & Clark, C. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

According to Powell and Clark (2011), “One of the most important pieces of sticky faith communication advice we can share is this: never explain something to your kid if you can ask a question instead” (77).  Parents seem to have a way of talking at their children instead of two them.  My father communicated to me in my adolescents (and beyond) by lecturing me.  My glazed looks and wandering eyes went unnoticed as “he said what he needed to say.”   I remember one instance where my dad was talking at (not to) my girlfriend (who is now my wife) and he actually took a break to talk about why he was talking so much. 

As parents we want our children to learn from our mistakes so they don’t make the same ones, but Powell and Clark (2011) rightly point out, “Parents lecturing kids hasn’t worked…Picture you and your child talking about premarital sex.  Does your child know what you think about it?  Does your child know what you would want to say about it?  Odds are good that the answer to both is yes” (77-78).   Our communication with children needs to help them come to their own understanding of what Christ would have them do, not force our views down their throats. 

2.       Use Humble Words: Make Requests not Demands

Chapman, G. (2010). The 5 love languages: the secret to love that lasts (4^th edition).  Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.

Chapman writes, “Love makes demands, not requests.  When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child” (45).  Within a marriage the need for a partnership instead of a “boss/servant” relationship is clear.  I believe that having a family-wide partnership is beneficial.  Children certainly need boundaries and expectations to grow, but those expectations can be communicated in terms of a family partnership rather than a parent run dictatorship.     

3.       Conflict Resolution: Five Steps

Woodward, O. (2011). Resolved: 13 Resolutions for LIFE. Flint, MI: Obstacles Press, Inc.

According to Woodward (2011) the five steps to conflict resolution are:

1.       Affirm the Relationship

2.       Seek to Understand

3.       Seek to be Understood

4.       Own Responsibility by Apologizing

5.       Seek Agreement (223). 

As family we all care about each other, and it is important to reminder each of that before we tackle a conflict.  Any time there is a conflict it is easy for us to focus on our own feelings and needs.  Intentionally seeking to understand the others involved before we try to be understood helps us to get our focus of ourselves.  The reality is that both/all parties have wronged the other and we need to learn to apologize.  It is often easy to say “sorry” but it is sometimes much harder specifically admit what we have done wrong and accept the consequences involved.  When we are able to understand the other family member’s perspective and admit our wrong doing it is much easier to agree on a new course of action to prevent repeat conflicts.  I have seen extreme examples of families who these steps towards resolution are ignored.  They are trapped on a “carousel of doom,” destined to enter the same conflicts over and over again. 

4.       Share Stories of Future Hope

http://leadership.fuller.edu/Leadership/Resources/Part_2-Three_Ways_to_Lead/IV__The_Cultural_or_Interpretative_Approach_to_Leading/D__Meaning_Making_Leaders_Proclaim_Vision/1__A_Shared_Story_of_Future%C2%A0Hope.aspx

Scott Cormode begins by stating:

I define vision as "a shared story of future hope." Vision is designed to change people and to entice them to participate in a change that is larger themselves. People do not grab onto a plan, nor do they assent to abstract beliefs. That does not change them. Instead, people are transformed when they participate in a story—one that sets them on a trajectory.

Whether one is trying make major changes to a church of 1,000 or to the culture of a nuclear family, it will be difficult.  Using narrative, specifically stories that embody what a family or institution wants to become, change can be embraced more easily.  Eventually “my story” becomes “our story.”  I am not forcing my vision upon you; I am inviting you to become part of a story. 

I see this strategy being especially helpful for families who have been through a tragedy, such as a divorce or death of a member.  Perhaps a shared story from the past that embodies what the family wants to be about even after the loss will cast a vision.  Maybe it’s a story for the parent’s childhood that is owned in hopes of making a similar story in the present of near future.  A story about another family who has faced a similar loss who has become a thriving family can be the future hope that is needed. 

5.       Increase Topics of Conversation

Lee, N. and Lee S. (2000). The marriage Book. Deerfield,IL: Alpha North America.  

We may find as husband and wife, parent and child, or any other family relationship we have, that our topics of conversation are limited.  In such a case Lee and Lee (2000) suggest, “It will require a conscious decision to show am interest in what our husband or wife (or child) already enjoys” (52).  By entering into new territory as we participate in the interests of our family it gives them permission to share about a topic they care about but it also allows us to share our thoughts and feelings about our new experience.    

6.       Use Non Verbal Signals that Match Up With Your Words.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/effective_communication_skills.htm

I am admittedly terrible at this.  When I am passionate my gestures and other signals say that I am angry or agitated.  Likewise, when I am thinking about what is being said to me I tend to break eye contact as I contemplate what is being said.  This sends the signal that I am not paying attention.  Thinking about what your non-verbal ques are saying and intentionally making sure that your cues match you words and message is a necessary step to good communication.  

Spiritual Care in the Home

Spiritual Care in the Home

Family is essential for the generativity of the Christian faith.  Both scripture (Deuteronomy six and eleven) and research support the notion that family-especially parents-have a responsibility and a major role in the faith formation of children.  What does that look like in the twenty-first century?  Can today’s family still be a primary source of discipleship for one another? Changes within the family and the surrounding culture create challenges to spiritual care in the home.  Today’s churches must assist families in navigating these challenges so they can successfully disciple one another.

Generative Faith: The Shema

One cannot discuss spiritual care in the home before addressing what the Word of God has to say about the subject.  This topic is directly confronted by the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).   Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NLT) states:

⁴ “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. ⁵ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. ⁶ And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. ⁷ Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. ⁸ Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.⁹ Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

The Shema makes some clear statements.  First, faith in God is to permeate every aspect of ones life.  Second, passing on the faith to the next generation must come in the same manor.  Blanchette states, “Children are not only to be taught for cognitive understanding, but for obedience” (122).  The Shema is requiring parents to, “faithfully immerse their children in the faith” (127).  Following God is to impact all aspects of ones life, this means spiritual care must address all aspects of life, and passing on the faith to children is a process that intersects with everyday life.  To provide spiritual care is to embrace this fact. 

Issues Facing Today’s Family

The New Family Structures

During biblical times the family was much larger than it is today.  In both the early church and in Old Testament times the family core went well beyond parents and children and included extended family (Garland, 2012).  According to Genesis 14:14 (NLT) the bible the men in Abraham’s family numbered at least 318.  The family was “the village” that was needed to raise children.  Immersing a child in faith was a much easier process when the family had built in support for parents.

According to Bennett (1996) the family structure known as the nuclear family took form in America in the early 19^th century.  When “the village” was reduced to father and mother parenting obviously became more challenging.  The entrance of the 1960’s with its carefree lifestyles, as well as increased divorce rates once again brought a changing view of the American family (Anthony, 2011).  These new changes often times resulted in one individual being responsible for all parental duties.  Spiritual care once was the duty of a small army, now that army is one.  The instruction of the Shema has become much more challenging.

Outsourcing of Parental Duties

With the dwindling familial support for parents, it is understandable that our culture has instructed parents to outsource their responsibilities and we shouldn’t be too hard on them for heeding that instruction.  In biblical times families not only educated children about the Jewish and Christian faith, they were responsible for all aspects of life development.  Chap Clark (11) points out that even at the turn of the twentieth century only ten percent of adolescents attended high school.  Today’s school is not only responsible for formal education, but in some cases with providing children three meals a day and with teaching them social graces and life skills.

The American church has been all too eager to take the responsibility of child faith formation away from parents.   According to Oestreicher (2008) youth workers began creating separate environments for young people during the 1970’s that focused on age specific discipleship.  In its most extreme form, families never worship God together.  Children attend the children’s worship service, adolescents attend the youth worship service and adults attend the “normal” worship service.  This often sets the tone, resulting in families that do not directly address faith at home throughout the week. Garland (2012) rightly states, “For congregations to become communities of faith that encourage families to tell their stories of faith means that family members must be together at least some of the time in the life of the congregation” (333).         

In lieu of the Shema, this church centered model of the discipleship of children is unbiblical. In addition, it has also proven itself to be ineffective.  After reviewing numerous studies Clark and Powell (2011) conclude, “As we have examined other research, our conclusion is that 40 to 50 percent of kids who graduate from a church or youth group will fail to stick with their faith in college” (15).

Ministry Context: Rockford united Methodist Church

            At Rockford United Methodist Church (RUMC) we are addressing spiritual care in the home by 1) encouraging parents to take a primary role in the faith formation of their children, and 2) encouraging our adult congregation to fill a familial support role by mentoring children. 

Encouraging Parents

It’s a phone conversation that every veteran youth worker has had.  I had on the other line an upset parent who had some serious concerns about their preteen child.  It was not directly said, but there was an implied hope that I would be able to step in and do something to remedy the situation.  In the past, I would have tried, and probably failed.  Instead I asked this parent about Christian practices in the home.  During this conversation I learned that though this parent, and their spouse, were actively involved in the church's children's ministries, little was being done in their home throughout the week to reinforce their family's walk with God.  I couldn’t help but think that this fact played a role in the struggles they were having with their child, and I told them so.  

            At RUMC we do more than simply put the ball in parents’ courts.  We also work hard to help parents see how important they are to the faith development of their children.  We try to equip parents through classes and by offering them a constant stream of resources.  I check in with this particular parent regularly to see if there is anything I can do to help, and I try to send the message to all the other parents that I am here to support them.

Creating Mentors

            RUMC also tries to support parents by fostering relationships between their and the other adults of our church.  We have made sure that children and youth worship with their families, removing a church service that took place during the Sunday school hour in the process.  We are always looking for other creative ways to get young people and adults together.  We no longer have confirmation separate from adult membership.  We now have intergenerational membership.  This fall we also have an intergenerational bible study involving adults and high school students, including parent-child duos. 

            We want RUMC to fill the support role that the larger family of biblical times would have filled for parents.  Taking a page from Powell and Clark (2011), we are striving to connect every young person to five Christian adults, in addition to parents and church staff.    

We tell our congregation building those relationships might mean volunteering with one of the many children’s and youth programs offered to young people at RUMC.  For others it could mean a less formal way of connecting with our youth.  Perhaps that means building an authentic and ongoing relationship with a young person through proximity.  Maybe a family with children in our church lives in their neighborhood and they offer to babysit the children for free. 

Maybe the family doesn’t live near them but they sit in or near the same pew as them every Sunday and they commit to pray for the children and strike up a conversation with them each week.  It could mean that they find a way to connect with a young person through shared interests.  Perhaps they take a member of the high school golf team golfing or teach a young girl how to knit.  Maybe they pick up a teenager and take them to choir or praise team practice every week.  Whatever it looks like, we want the adults of our church to serve as spiritual aunts, uncles, grandparents and older cousins for the young people of our church.  

Conclusion

Changes within the family and the surrounding culture impact spiritual care in the home.  Churches must aid families in navigating these challenges so that Christian discipleship can take place within the home.  The church must equip parents to take a primary role in the faith formation of their children as outlined in the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).  This means that the family must overcome the challenges that its smaller size brings, as compared to biblical times, and overcome the cultural expectation that it outsource its role to the church. 

References

Anthony, M.J. (2011). The morphing of the Family.  In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (2-20). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

Bennett, W. J. (1996). The Broken Hearth. New York, NY: Double Day.   

 Blanchette, L.M. (2011) Spiritual markers in the life of a child. In Anthony, M. and Anthony, M. (Ed.).  A Theology for Family Ministries (119-134). Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.

Clark, C (2011). Hurt 2.0: inside the world of today’s teenager (2^nd Addition). Grand Rapids, MI. Baker Academic.

Garland, D.R. (2012). Family ministry: a comprehensive guide (2^nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.  

Oestreicher, M. (2008). Youth ministry 3.0. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.  

Powell, K.E. & Clark, C. (2011). Sticky faith. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.